As Swirls of Butterflies Surround Me

I'm stressed

2009-11-11T20:56:00.000-08:00

I'm sure this will all blow over after the next two weeks, but my first semester of classes are almost over. Bad thing is, I think I am going to have to ask Kandee or Denise if they can help me. Kerrie, the girl that watches my daughters, is going to be closed both Thursday and Friday of that week. That is also the week that I have my finals...so what am I suppose to do? It would take forever to get a backup for those days. Of course I would not need them on Thursday but I could use them for Friday and Saturday. I just need a good eight hours of studying and get it all into my brain and finishing my final paper for COM150. I will really be happy when the communication classes are over and I hit some good Ol' Math!

On another topic, I finally got the room re-arranged! I am so happy that it has been two months since no Mission, there is so much more freedom and the people that we live with are very caring and understanding. I think that is great really, I could not ask for more.

Well, back to school work for me. I have to work on that five page paper that is due on Sunday!! Wonderful...gosh I will so be VERY glad when this is all over!

2009-11-10T22:53:00.000-08:00

I am remembering something from my childhood, a fond memory actually. Since Christmas is around the air, there was one particular one that stands out among my memories at this point and time and yet...it surprises me that I actually remember it.

I believe this was my third grade class. During Christmas we had secret santas, so we each had to bring a gift, within reason, to give to the people that we drew their names. I honestly do not remember what I got, but what I do remember was our teacher passing out a book of Christmas stories in a gift bag with a few other things. I believe the reason this sticks out right now is due to the note that was put inside my book. I was looking at Christmas movies on netflix and what jogged my memory of this book was a movie called "The Spirit of Christmas." I want to say that was the name of the book, but this part of my memory is foggy. I remember not even opening the book until I got into the car with my mom. The teacher had given us the bags right before vacation so we didn't have much time to look and gather, but there was something special written in mine. The full comment slips my memory but it was something of the fact of how she hoped I would stay the course and keep my head up.

See, this year for me as a child was hard. My mother was getting re-married and I surely did not want this to happen. I loved my mother dearly but I feared for things to end badly for her and this guy...which unfortunately, it did happen. Later on in my life, since I told her this, she told me I cursed her and my step-dad's marriage. That I was to blame for them falling apart, I think this did more to me that I realize when I was a kid to hear this from my mom, but sometimes as adults we do not think of the repurcussions of our words and in hurt, we just say them.

However, since I did attend therapy for a year, I can honestly say my world has changed four fold. I broke a vicious cycle of starting something and then letting it go. Staying at the Mission made me realize that I was capable of so much more if I could just let myself break that horrible cycle of what I started when I graduated from high school. I did, I graduated from the God awful program--burned by the people that gave me a home and yet, I am here to tell a story of my girls and I as survivors. We made it, with the grace of the good Lord with us--we made it.

While things are not as I had originally planned, and surely tight, I'm learning little by little, if I steer my course set on God and give everything to him fully...anything is possible. I started school again in June, going for business Administration. I'm still there...almost done with my first semester...right after Thanksgiving. If all goes well, I will either have a 3.9 or 4.0 GPA and one sememster down...seven more to go. :) I will do it, I know I have the faith of a mustard seed that can grow into something beautiful and bountiful. I just now need to plant my little mustard seed and watch it grow.

So, here is to that teacher who wrote me that passage in the book (which I do not have anymore...my mom has it)...I will stay my course and finally fly free from my barrier of chains.

About the accident

2009-05-25T21:01:00.000-07:00

I think this must have been the most traumatic thing for me because I keep trying to make sense of everything that has happened. there are only bits and pieces of the puzzle and I talked to Elizabeth's therapist about it, and she thinks I might have blocked it out because it was too stressful. If I can only explain how I felt during that, it honestly felt like it wasn't me driving the vehicle. You know those movies when a traumatic scene comes and you only see bits and pieces of it, the most traumatic ones are cut...that is exactly how I remember it.

I remember looking over to my left and immediately seeing a truck only inches away. I could have touched the truck if I had my window open, in an effort to avoid contact, I swung the steering wheel over trying to avoid him, I blacked out, next thing I know the car is swinging, and I remember trying to steer it one way, then another and it wasn't working. I think I said, what is going on?? and something inside me said, there is nothing you can do now, let the car go. I was scared and I don't remember the part, I remember it heading torwards the hill, but blacked out again. I heard the first crash, came back, saw the car turn, blacked out, heard the second hit and came to. I remember looking at the dash and seeing the engine stuck at 3 rpms and immediately shutting it down.

I stared into the abyss and wondered if anything was wrong with the car, my first thought was the engine because it was hit on that side and being that it was stuck at 3 rpms while the car not moving, and even after turning it off, I knew it was a gonner. The next thing I remember when I came back to was a guy parked in front of us and another talking to Denise. Elizabeth was crying and the lady asking us if we were all okay. The one guy I believe came to my window and checked us out. Some of the next part is even a blur to myself. I remember looking for the insurance information and trying to call roadside assistance, which didn't work out, and then her telling me not to call 911 because they had already called the cops. The first people to arrive as we sat there were the fire department. I remember them being nice and giving the girls stickers, which was cute. They were asking us if we were all okay. They stayed with us until the cops came, two cop cars which eventually ended up being one.

I remember the cop asking me to get out of the vehicle and telling my version of the story. Honestly, it made me realize I had really no idea what happened, I had a jist of the accident but very detailed, no I couldn't do that. He asked me which way hit first and I said I thought the back did but he said he thought it was the front....honestly if it was the front I believe the car would have turned over. Eventually after he got the information the two truck came. The car looked totaled. You couldn't even open the sliding door as the frame was so off track that it cut the door off from being opened. I remember the lady wanted to check Bella and they were saying that they couldn't open the door. The tires were all flat, somehow the actual body of the car was in tact, but we survived. I live another day to tell a weird story of an accident and just how we need to fully rely on God.

Almost May

2009-04-29T21:56:00.000-07:00

As a few of you know, the last two years of my life have been one of the most hectic. But this year probably tops them all. I've now been in this program for 8 months and phase up to the final phase in one month. If that all happens and goes well...I will graduate in July. I will get to move up to transitional housing where the girls and I can save a little bit more for that rainy day. I don't know yet if I will stay here in California after it's all said and done, but I'm hoping that I go wherever God plans me to go.

I was thinking today about something, I was looking at pictures of people in my family and I asked a friend of mine if they thought I was a failure. She told me no, she thought I was making the best of my situation and a very strong person. That was hard because here the rest of my family has homes, houses and everyone looks happy. Me on the other hand, I'm in a failing marriage, been a single mom for eight months and I'm living in a homeless shelter. Granted, I'm putting my life back on the line by going back to school to become a Women's pastor, but it's hard not to see that as a failure. I guess the closer and closer I get to God, I don't see how my dad and step mom can really call themselves a Christian when they themselves (who think they are perfect) have so much more to learn. When I told my step mom that I was going to become a pastor, I never heard anything again from her via email. She's thinks I'm lying...that's fine. I'll show her one day. I know it's going to take me awhile, but my climb is so much more worthwhile then anyone can imagine.

Bellie has been sick these past two days, but she seems better now. I'm heading back to Proflowers tomorrow for work, part of me wants to stay with them but I know I need to go. I think Elizabeth would like to go back to Daycare, she likes it there. So does Bella, but it's hard for me. I miss them so much. We are going on our first overnight pass this weekend. I'm renting a hotel room for us, and I'm gonna sleep in! Relax, watch tv...enjoy the finer things in life for just a bit! I'm excited and going to bring my camera. I just realized I REALLY need to take more pictures of the girls. Especially my little Lizzy. Okay, I'm off for now! God Bless and hope you guys have a good week, that's if you even read this blog anymore!

Pictures of the girls!

2008-12-13T19:34:00.000-08:00

So, here are some pictures of the girls during Halloween. Omar was with us, this was still part of the good days of our relationship but after that I should have seen it would have dwindled. Even today when I spoke with him, he just tells me he is too busy for me and the girls and is always listening to his family over anything I try to say. All that matters to him is a job and nothing more, we started out with family counseling and he kept not showing up and finally did. We did it twice and then he just quit on me and said it wasn't working. I really don't know how much more I can take between him and his family. If he refuses to make us a priority then so be it, I will find someone that will make me a priority in his life and you know that, I deserve so much more then this. Even though this hurts right now, I know I'm in safe place for me and the girls and when I get out of here I will be so much better then I was before. God is with me and though sometimes I don't feel it, I know he is. I love you guys all and I'm so glad to be back on blogger!! So here are some pictures of the munchkins for now, I have more actually but give me a few days and I'll put them up here.

The gang!

My Bella Pumpkin

Bell and Lizzy getting their candy!

Bella and Omar

Lizzy as the bat princess

Bella in the stroller with her candy

I talked to my grandma today and I told her the situation and she said it happens, it seems to happen quite frequently in our family. My dad's didn't, Marianne's didnt'...but her's did. I wanted to be one of the few that the marriage lasted, but I never thought that my husband would do a 180 and change like he has. And I can't help but think, I can't be kept dragging down just because he won't get out of his slump and now he is so brainwashed by his family...it's just not for me. While there are many things I don't like of here, there are still so many good things. I plan to work my butt off here when I can work at six months and save for that house that I'm dreaming of. I still plan to move to Missouri closer to my family but I know if I do this, I can get closer to something for my girls and myself. I just gotta hang in there. I'm off for now, I hope everyone is having a good weekend.

A Major Update

2008-12-11T19:46:00.000-08:00

It's been some time since I have been on this blogger, but don't think time hasn't passed since I have wanted to be on here. I miss my fellow bloggers and wonder how you are all doing...but to let you guys all know, I'm still here in California. A few days before we were going to go back to Missouri, I got a call from the San Diego Rescue Mission. It was the hardest decision I have ever made, but I did it. I took me and the girls into the Mission and have been here for 3.5 months. Omar and I are not doing so good, but the girls and I are getting everything we need and so far things are okay here. Though I am upset at time with my marriage, I'm thinking it might be time to seperate. I am hoping to have pictures here of the girls soon, but I just wanted to let you know that we are safe and fine...oh and Omar went back with his family...so maybe that will give you a clue on to as how he is doing.

Lots of Love,

Steph and the girls

I'm still here

2008-08-06T19:17:00.000-07:00

yes, I am still here. It's been so long since I have been on blogger, but we are moving on September 7 of this year. We are both working very hard and getting ready to leave. I do have stuff to tell and I am just keeping this blog as I will eventually just use it for me to write what I need to. I hope all is well with everyone else.

Shutting her down

2008-06-03T20:21:00.000-07:00

No one reads this anymore anyway, I posted a thing almost a month ago with no views, so even though I'm really in spot to want to run away...I'm shutting this down. I'll leave this up for a week...that is if anyone really cares and then delete the blog.

Pay it Forward

2008-05-13T14:39:00.000-07:00

I was reading Lisa's blog about how she is going to do the pay it forward, so here is my suggestion. I will send a little gift (of my choosing of course) to the first 10 people (I doubt I'll even get that many responses, but hey...then everyone gets one right...hehe). But here is the catch, you have to pay it forward to someone else. It's up to you on how you do it. It can be a random act of kindness or such or like Lisa suggested (thanks Lisa btw for the idea :) ).

On to a small little note, I started writing for associated content last week. I've been making about 4 bucks per article, which isn't bad. It's good side money but sometimes with the girls I have a hard time getting some done. My printer test ends this week, we'll find out if we get to keep the model we have or get a new one. Ah, I hope I get to keep the one I have LOL

Bella is doing so much better with her sleeping. It was so cute, last night she just got up and sat up..looked at me and I kept lightly saying..go back to sleep, lay down sweetie and then the next thing I knew she laid down on the pillow and conked out. I'm glad she is sleeping better, she used to be a horrible sleeper but now all is getting better.

I don't really have any new pictures as of lately, sorry about that. Well, that's all for me right now. Hope everyone had a great mother's day!

my crawling baby

2008-05-04T19:07:00.000-07:00

Little Bella is now a crawler, well she has been for about two weeks and additionally, she is starting to pull herself up on furniture that she can reach. My little baby is growing up!!! AHHHHH LOL

Another thing...she had a tooth pull through last night, so eventually when it shows...no more toothless smiles. Ah, I am happy for her and sad at the same time...does being a parent get any easier?? hehe

Here is a video and some pics!

Costco?

2008-04-30T13:52:00.000-07:00

Does anyone know if the yearly membership of Costco is worth it? It's 50 dollars and since we are off food stamps and such...I'm looking for ways for us to save some extra money. I don't think 50 dollars is that bad, plus I heard eye exams are cheap there (and both hubby and I need them, I found a place to get cheap glasses...so just need the eye exam). Anyone have Costco and enjoy it?

Our disneyland pictures within a video!!!

2008-04-26T15:37:00.000-07:00

Okay I've been playing around with movies and now I have one! I made a video of our pictures to show you, I thought it was pretty cool, now it's my first time..so please be patient and enjoy!! (Order of scenes, entrance to Disneyland, teacups, finding Nemo submarine voyage, the parade, autotopia--cars, storybook land--entrance of the whale, jungle adventure, and then the castle at night).

Oh and to answer your question of how I got chosen for a beta for HP, I signed up with them to test Beta products about a year ago and this is my first test. I get to use it for a month unlimitedly (meaning they pay for the ink and paper for the trial) and then after is all said and done, I either get to keep this printer, a comparable one, or the one that gets released in the next few months. :) I love it, it's not a bad thing and I want to get the battery because well...I Love to take pictures!! And the price after the ink is not that bad compared to if you went somewhere to print them out and the quality is outstanding! It's a portable one where you open the side and the back side and LCD screen open so that you can put your card and paper in, so it's pretty simple. Neato, huh?

My beta printer for HP!!

2008-04-24T15:43:00.000-07:00

I don't know if I have told you guys but I got selected as an HP beta photo printer tester and VOILA I got it today! They came and taped me, took pictures of the setup and I have it!! This one is so cool though, its gonna have battery options in which you can take it with you and it's so compact and small, big lcd screen with options, and I get to test it for a month. It's not yet out on the market but it's a neat little thing. I get to be the bug tester.

Here is a pic of it, so so neat!!

My Fellow Bloggers

2008-04-22T13:13:00.000-07:00

I think it's time to shut the doors on my blog, well not for good at least. Life is going pretty well for us even though we are in a hotel, it's an extended stay hotel (which is meant for people could stay here for longer). We are going to move to Texas when his job gets through, but stay until they let him go. As of right now that is until June and then move to our new place. I just find myself too busy as of lately to be able to blog as much as I used to, not that that is a bad thing, I find that to be quite a feat! I'm even loosing weight along with us being so busy and I have to tell ya...it feels great!! I would love to loose about 80 pounds and get to 160...gosh I would be in heaven (and I've started walking anywhere from half hour to an hour every day..sometimes every other day but it gets me going!

I will keep updated on blogs as much as possible and will update from time to time, but even so, I don't think I will be able to blog as much as I used to. I love it, but when you go through things like we went through, you find yourself spending every little time you can with the ones you love. I think this is gonna be our year...I really do. The year for us to start over and it is going great!

Anyway, we went to DisneyLand this past weekend and oh my we had fun! We were so tired when we got back to the hotel, WOW, and both the kids conked out the minute we hit the Van. Unfortunately, after sleeping for two hours little one woke up with my head cold, but what a great thing breastfeeding is...after two days she is doing great and is almost over it! :)

Here are some pictures of our trip, just a few. I do have them all on my myspace if you want to look at them. www.myspace.com/cookiemonstersmomma

Well, it isn't letting me upload pictures at this particular time, so I will try a little later. I will finish my story from below just so you know so don't worry. Give me a little bit and later this week I'll finish. :)

WE'RE GOING TO DISNEY LAND!!

2008-04-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

We are going to Disney Land for a weekend, we leave on Friday after he gets off work (it's about an hour and a half away) and then spend the weekend up there and drive back on Sunday night!! I'm so excited!! We have everything ready to go, hotel, tickets and just need to pack for two days...Gosh this is so exciting!!! :)

ONE WEEK TIL DISNEY LAND!!!

our Easter, sorry so late!!

2008-04-01T13:35:00.001-07:00

My little Bella is sleeping pretty crapidly lately. And my husband's snoring...gosh it's getting worse. Believe it or not, but when we first moved in together, he did not snore!! It's only as his age progressed that his snoring has gotten worse and worse. Its gotten so bad that it's waking up the girls too, now that is bad!! I don't know what to do for that, I've gotten those nose strip thingys but they don't work for him.

Anyway, we had a pretty good Easter I think! Since Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentine's Day, and New Years' all sucked I think this one was pretty good!! I went out on Friday and got the girls some Bunny gifts and I think they were a pretty good success. I got Bella and Lizzy each one big gift and then clothes. hehe Here are some pictures.

My little Bella is just so attached to me lately. She screams bloody murder if she sees me out of sight, I leave her for a second and to make matters worse, hubby is on this little kick that he doesn't have to do anything besides work. If he makes himself something, he leaves it out (including dirty plate) and then everything gets a mess here. We do usually get housekeeping here once a week but just to tell you how rare that is, they have not been here in two weeks so I do clean this place up myself. I tried to get it cleaned up today but got the sweeping, bed, clothes picked up, trash taken out before bella screamed bloody murder and wouldn't stop. hehe, she is asleep next to me but if i move she goes right back to the way before.

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So on to my little part of my history:

First, my mom and my dad were high school sweethearts, my mom ended up pregnant her senior year of high school with my sister and my dad...well he quit high school to support a family. Their marriage didn't last long, they divorced about a year after I was born (my sister and I are about a year and a half apart). My mother got custody of both my sister and I...and I barely ever saw my dad. My mom really was a sweet woman when I was younger, it wasn't until I was older that I began to see her for who she really was.

Let's fast forward to when my sister went away to college. I was becoming a junior in high school and this is where my mom went off the deep end. At first, when she left for college, things were good between my mom and I. We got along and while I was left to do all the chores, cooking and keep up on my studies, I felt a little bit more free because my sister was not there. hehe, meaning, my mom wouldn't let us ride without anyone unless she gave us her permission I would go to my friends house for a little while before I went home LOL. Yes, I was bad hehe.

Anyway, around this time my mom I guess, had this weird epiphany and thought my sister didn't need to be up in college about 2 hours away from us and begged her to come home. She made my sister feel bad for her choice and even threatend my sister that she was not allowed to come home for Christmas if she didn't come home from college. This is where I think I became the black sheep...I stood up for my sister and my mother said the reason I didn't want her to come home was because I didn't love my sister. I swear, it was like nothing I could say or do would make the situation better...well my sister never came home and stayed up there but they talked it all out and things got better between them. From then on, things would get worse.

Shortly there after, my mom went in for a checkup and was thought to have cancer in her ovaries. They did tests and it just turned out to be a tumor and well, her insurance required that they put her on hormones to get rid of the tumor to see if that worked before any surgery. I believe this is what caused my mom to really go overboard. We as females know that when you mess with our hormones things go wacky...well that's what happened to my mom...except with those extra hormones, rage came into play.

From then on, nothing I said, nothing I did was good enough. To her I was a worthless piece of shit and would never be any good to her. My sister became her favorite and I was just a tagalong who made things worse for them. The summer after my sister left to go back for her sophmore year in college was the worst of it. There was this plate my sister had bought for me of the Lion King (my favorite disney movie) in which my mother was so enraged that she threw it at me (missed of course) and busted it. I cried and cried because my sister gave that to me, it was one of the things I loved most that she had ever bought. She tried to hit me with a hammer and I was to live in my room until further notice. If she came home, I was to be in there so she didn't have to see me. A week later my sister was gone at college and I was to fend for myself. She had protected me during that one fight telling my mom to stop (even though now she denies any of this), I felt scared for my life.

Everytime I saw my mom drive up in the driveway, I always turned cold. Careful of what to say to her, if I didn't say it just right she would go off the deepend and it would turn into a fight. I knew I just had one more year before I got to leave the house and I just needed to make it stick. Little did I know it would be a changing point for me. This is where I finally grew up as a kid.

I don't remember the parts that led up to this fight but we were coming back from Wentzville and I think I might have said something to tick her off and she started hitting me as I sat in the passenger side. I turned away from her and just cried. I cried for God to come take me, to take me with him because I didn't want to be with her anymore. When we got home, she started beating me into my room and then went and got a pan and pushed me into my room. While I was in there I grabbed a few of my things and then I tried to leave. I was going to call Crystal from the Gas station to come and get me and I would figure out something from there. Well she wouldn't let me go. She told me that she was going to call my dad and send me to him...I said fine (first time I ever said that, normally I said no because she always told us how bad my dad was). Well she called him and he was on his way and well then called my grandma. She told my grandma that I was out of control and she was sending me to my dad's and then asked to speak with me. My grandma wanted to know what was going on and I just told her that we didn't get along...if I told her the truth my mom would have beat the hell out of me the minute I got off the phone!!! My grandma told me to take my bible with me and well, about 20 minutes after that my dad came.

Gosh I was so scared...so confused. I went with him and cried the whole way there with him. I loved my mom so much, I would have done anything for her approval, but nothing ever worked. So off I went to my dad's house where I met my step mom and my half sister.
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Okay I'll leave it at that for right now, this is kind of long. I'll finish it some tomorrow!!

what a crappy egg hunt

2008-03-16T10:22:00.000-07:00

I took Lizzy and Bella to the Toys R Us egg hunt yesterday thinking it would be lots of fun...boy was I ever disappointed. It really wasn't even an egg hunt at all, in fact you got this bag and were told were to go get your eggs and you only got two of them. Then at the end of the second one you had a table to color and stuff...but that was it!! Thats not an egg hunt! I was so upset because we could have went to Viejas and had a great one which I heard it awesome. Oh well, I will make one for the girls on Sunday for Easter to make up for it. :) Omar couldn't come because he had to work overtime, but he called us at Toys R Us to see how it was going. One good thing came out of it, I found clothes for Bella and Lizzy for 3 dollars!! hehe, I love finding stuff on sale. I hardly ever buy stuff for the girls at full price.

Lizzy is really into Cars and Thomas. I don't know why but she loves them so yesterday when we were there at TRU, I finally got her a Thomas. She loves him and sleeps with him..which I'm sure is kind of hard since it's a pull and go toy.

I have been thinking, since I know a few more of you on here that I might post a story about my past. I remember when I first started reading Rhi's Blog that is exactly what she was doing and I kind of want to do the same. One thing I will post now, when I went to college I finally left my mom's house and moved in with my dad. Well, my mother refused to let me get my stuff and thus has all my graduation stuff including my diploma and other things. Well I really want my tassel from graduation but I finally contacted Jostens (who sold our graduation stuff) and got a new tassel in the mail this week!! It was a weird feeling, kind of made me feel so young and a small part of me freed. I put it on my rear view mirror and it proudly hangs there.

So my next post I think I will start and let you guys know who really is this person on blogger...hehe.

Oh, and Bella is finally upping it on the sleeping! She slept for 3.5 hours last night and I know this might sound odd, but one of her razor teeth are actually trying to poke through. I thought the two bottom teeth were suppose to come first??? Odd really. Okay here are some pictures of yesterday. (p.s. you can click on pictures to enlarge them)

getting ready to color

coloring with the marker

bella in the stroller waiting for Lizzy to get done

Looking in the bag to see what she got (stickers)

She says MAMMA!!

2008-03-13T12:57:00.000-07:00

HE HE, I'm so giddy on that one. For a little while...actually since she was four months she was saying DA DA DA DA...and I told Omar that I don't think she is actually saying the word, just using the sylables. Well, lately she was saying BA BA BA and I thought...hmm, I wonder if I can get her to say MA MA...hehe so it only took two days and she says MA MA...I know she doesn't know the meaning of it but hey...it still feels great!! She even giggles when you say it back to her. Lizzy didn't say Mamma until she was closer to one but she was a late talker and I think Bella is gonna be an early one.

I have videos of Bella and she is trying to crawl. She sits up and rocks herself forward to where she falls on her hands and her knees are bent and then she rocks from there and eventually she falls and tries to get back up on her knees by bending forward but she is trying. The cutest thing is when she jumps up and down when she is sitting!! She'll be 7th months here soon, I really can't believe it. Makes me want to have another one, but we need to wait...gosh it took us a year to have her...can't imagine how long it will take with another one. Funny because with Lizzy it was so easy LOL.

Lizzy is our wild one. She broke her collar bone last month and it's finally healed and she is back to using her right now. But, on the good side of things, she is great with her manners! For instance, we went to Babies R Us last week to get a blanket for Bella and she was walking across the isle when someone was coming (she was not looking of course) and ran into him. She immediately said ooops and said Sorry and the guy said it's oka. It really was cute. I'm still working on please though, but it's coming!

OH and Vons was having this thing where you buy 30 dollars worth of frozen food (participating food) you get two movie tickets...so we are gonna go see a movie!! The girls will get in for free and this is great! I want to go get more, we eat frozen food a lot and well, two movie tickets...that's like 20 bucks in itself here! Tickets are nine dollars, sometimes 12 if you get a certain movie but I have wanted to see the National Treasure 2 movie for awhile. Just don't know if Bella will be quiet. She is so loud lately, but we will see! :)

I'm taking Lizzy to the egg hunt this weekend, I'm not sure if Omar will go because he was told he may have to work overtime on Saturday and Sunday. I am gonna post a video on here in a little bit, but I need to get little one down for a nap before she gets fussy...otherwise I am in for a long haul!!

I try to upload the video from blogger but the processing was taking forever!! So I finally am using photobucket.

Lookin cute in new outfit

reaching to grab paci (which she just chews on)

not sure what she had here, but got a close up of her!

2008-03-12T15:57:00.001-07:00

Omars adopted mom went into the hospital Monday for surgery due to breast cancer. So far all is well, I just got done sending her flowers which is the first time I have done it. It was a little flowers with a teddy bear on it that said get well soon.

Toys R Us is having an easter egg hunt this weekend and I'm thinking of taking Lizzy to it. I can't believe a week from Sunday Easter will be here, and we are still no where near being packed and ready to go for our move. I'm trying to get hubby to push it back another month or so because we just can't do everything in two weeks without killing ourselves but we will see. I do hope all goes well over the next few months but we shall see!

So here are the pictures I promised to post of the girls, I did get caught up on one blog and started on another today. So I'm getting somewhere! Enjoy!

Hey Everyone, I'm trying to update my blog if you want me to link to your blog from here (which when I edited I lost them, and can't seem to get back to them) please leave a comment with your blog link so that I can read them! :)

Lizzy at the Japanese restaurant
Bella waiting for us to get her out of the car
This was after she ate an orange
Lizzy showing her chapstick
Bella Playing in her play gym
Lizzy in the car getting ready to go eat!
Pretty bella playing with my camera strap
Playing in her travel lite crib
Look at that baby!!
Pretty baby smiling!

Bella sitting with mommy outside our storage unit

I'm in love with my little Bella

2008-03-09T00:45:00.000-08:00

That's right, I finally said it. It's not that I don't love Lizzy, or that I don't love her as much, in fact it's the opposite. I love her in a different way. When Bella was first born it was so hard for me to get attached to her with all the crying that went on, and now that things have finally settled down, I look at her and just think--how could I have ever thought I could give her up? I love being next to her, sleeping next to her, kissing her little feet, the way she giggles and cuddles and even sometimes when I'm so tired and she wakes up in the middle of the night, I think...wow, it won't be long before she won't want this anymore (though I usually think different in the morning lol). She's the cutest little thing to me right now, I love being around her and well, why shouldn't I? After the hell I went through at the beginning this seems pretty enjoyable! I don't know, I can't explain it but that's just how I feel...am I a bad person because of it?? I hope not, I don't mean to be.

As for my Lizzy, I love her as much as ever, but she is more attached to her dad then anything. She runs only to me if some stranger she doesn't know comes to her (maybe she trust me more?) or if her dad makes her mad. It hurts a little but then I can imagine how Omar feels with Bella. She really only wants me. He does try hard sometimes to get her to be calm with her, but eventually it's always me that calms her down. Sometimes I get irritated with it because I feel like I have no free time, but then there are times when I love it. It really depends upon my mood for the day but she is giving me a little leway right now, that's how I'm on here!! :) She actually took a great nap for once, even WITH the tv on!! hehe

As for Hubby...I have my moments that I need to work on, I think there is still some hate/love there from the last five months, wow...five months, and things are getting better. Now that we got our income tax return, we feel more settled and he has a great job for now. I'm kind of thinking of not moving...well not right now at least but he still wants to. I am just so afraid with this economy and I'm trying to find low income housing for us so that maybe once we get there, I can find a part time job in the evening and we should be okay. But it all depends, maybe I can get him to stay for another month or two?? It's not that I don't want to move...it's just that I'm scared really, gas prices here are almost at 3.60, which is SO SO high for me. They are staying put but who's to say they won't spike and oh my...not looking forward to that.

Anyway, we are all okay, doing well, eating well, having a place to stay (Even a kitchen!!) and a place to sort of call home in which we never thought would happen five months ago. I really thank you guys for all of the support, I get little glimpses of your blogs and I have missed SO much...hang in there I promise to catch up. I'm still here and I do read off and on even though I don't have time to post.

Here are some pics of my little gals...I love them so much--but lizzy won't take great pictures anymore...is that usual for this age? She wants to stick everything in her face lol. But enjoy for now I'm trying to think of what to do for Easter, it's gonna be here soon and I know an Easter Egg hunt will be done. ;)

k, google is giving me a server error when uploading pics so I'll upload some tomorrow.

2008-03-07T13:54:00.001-08:00

sorry guys, WOW, it's been another month...Sorry I just don't get much time on here nowadays. Hubby won't help watch the girls so I can do stuff and I get on for maybe 10-15 minutes at a time before Bella is blowing up because I'm not paying attention to her or Lizzy wants me to play with her. Gosh, I have such a high needs baby it's crazy because she doesn't want her dad that is for sure! She'll scream and scream and look at me with pleading eyes...AHHHHHH

K, I'll be back on later, she is already fussing.

Dear Readers:

2008-02-12T19:06:00.000-08:00

As you all know, it's been some time since I have updated. We are okay, just very very busy. Hubby has a job where he is working 60-70 hours a week and with that I am with the girls most of the time. All is well, except that Lizzy broke her collar bone last week and she has to be careful for the next 4-5 weeks, believe it or not, they just put them in a sling but since it has been a week and a half, they are gonna just let it heal on it's own. She doesn't seem to be in a lot of pain, per se but all is okay.

I'm still iffy on my husband, I have my moments where I am so pissed at him that I want to throw him out of the hotel we are in and then I feel bad for being so hateful against him that I change my mind. I wish he would do more things with the girls, but I don't know, it just doesn't work that way I guess.

We are moving to Ohio come the first week of April, I did a lot of research on the best places to live, job, etc and we should have enough saved up to get an apartment and be able to find a job and live off of that and have a steady home. I'm not sure if I can find a place that will allow us to prepay with our situation, but I am gonna try. Things are much cheaper there and Mason, OH is one of the best places to live in 2007. The economy is bad everywhere, but I have to make a home for my family.

I have a few pictures of the girls from my camera phone--I can 't find my camera for some reason, but hey..it all works out! So here are the little ones. I love them so much, especially my little bella. She is already trying to crawl, can sit up and she loves to laugh. Lizzy loves her too and I love Lizzy even more for that. I'm so glad the two of them will be close, it makes me happy to see it...now I will have my hands full when bella gets a little older!!! HEHE

I will try to catch up on people's blogs, I am gonna try. I LOVE reading blogs, it's one of my favorite things!! But I just feel I have no time to myself anymore with me pretty much taking care of the girls 24/7. Please know I'm sorry for not updating sooner, I will try to keep everyone in the clear over the next month and a half as we make our way across country.

Love,

Steph.

Little Bella sleeping

Lizzy playing in the bathtub

2007-12-14T14:56:00.000-08:00

I think I've fallen out of love with my husband, I just realized it today that it's almost as if we are just living together as roommates. He went to give me a kiss good-bye and I kind of missed it and didn't want to give him one. I don't know if it's because of all the stress we are going through right now, but I just feel like he doesn't want to make things better for his family. He makes excuses for everything that happens.

He never made it to the job on Monday, so he lost his opportunity. I was so mad i almost left him that day because I just don't know what else to do. He knew I would be really mad so he never came back to the hotel but instead went and looked for jobs around Chula Vista. It still made me mad...he should have called me or the guy he was working for if he was supposedly lost!!! And the trolley runs right next to where he was suppose to work!

I guess the good news is, he does have some what of a job. One of his old co-workers has a furniture store that they now own and he can work there two days a week (I believe 16 hours), so it's a start. She is going to pay him 9 dollars an hour, so it's not so so bad. He is also suppose to call his old boss on Saturday to see if he can get him into Jeromes Part time...I dont know, I think I have finally given up on him.

But then again, I'm so afraid to leave him--to be alone with two kids, I don't want to do that. It would be so hard on them, but my friend tells me I need to do it now instead of later. I am just confused and not sure what to do. I'm going to go to this church on Sunday and see if maybe somehow I can make sense of this all and hope maybe God can tell me what to do. Not like I have anything else left to do. I wish this Christmas was different, I really do.

I have some good news!

2007-12-07T21:07:00.000-08:00

Hubby has a job for Monday!!! I don't know if it's a perminant job, but he told Omar that he would find out Monday after the job if they need him for the rest of the week--I hope it works out, it's 10 bucks an hour, so I'm praying all goes well. The guys that interviewed him seem to really like Omar, so that is one good thing :)

Well I am off of here, I'm really tired because Bella for some reason most of this week is waking up around 4-5 in the morning. Sometimes she will nurse and go back to sleep and wake up every hour after that until 7...other times she wakes up and wants to stay up!! YIKES!! Oh well, I have to admit I love this little one much more then I had thought, after the colic ended she is such a happy baby--and she loves to be tickled. I wish they would stay smaller for a little bit longer, they grow up WAY too fast! :)

santa pictures

2007-12-05T19:16:00.000-08:00

Things are a little better around here now, we are staying in a hotel until we get word from a homeless rehabilitation center that we can move in, it's a waiting list so I don't know when we will hear to when we can move in. Hubby still has not found a job and I'm getting kind of angry with him for it. I don't want to live off the government forever, I want to be off of welfare as soon as possible. I hate the word and it's not like we get enough here to even pay rent at a place anyway.

I'm just trying to make due with the situation at hand and while a hotel is nice and everything, I want a place of our own and he doesn't understand that. We finally got our car licensed in California so it's once again safe to drive around here and I took the girls to Walmart on Saturday to see Santa Clause. They had free pictures and Elizabeth freaked out when she saw Santa, but to me it was quite understandable. I had never taken her to see him until now but I finally have a picture of her with it. :)

Here is a picture of each one and then both and I'm going to try to make Christmas cards out of the one with the two of them. :)

One of the coolest things happened the other day! I had used my amazon gift certificates about a month ago to buy myself a breast pump and I got an email from Amazon about a magazine on sale and went ahead and went to see how much it was. When I got to the website, it wouldn't tell me so I went to check out and found out I had 45 dollars in gift certificates! I don't know how or why but it was the greatest thing and I went on a little shopping spree, got myself some new sketchers for 18 bucks, and toys for Christmas for the girls. I already got the toys for the girls and gave them to them, I am really bad about that hehe. It's not like I have a tree to put them under so it's not a big deal.

Anyway, I want to thank everyone for the kind words during this very trying period. I just hope that everything works out in the next few weeks. Well I am off to bed, night night everyone.

Just one thing to say!!

2007-11-29T17:57:00.000-08:00

We got our cash aid application approved!! The money will be on the card tomorrow...Gosh it's such a relief, now we can start to get back on our feet!! :) Thank you Lord!!

2007-11-27T19:26:00.000-08:00

We got a stove!! I don't know if you guys have ever heard of a portable burner, but we found one for 13 dollars at a dollar store and it's gas, and the gas cans aren't that expensive. It's so nice to have warm food now, we are quite happy!!

We have our meeting with the investigator for cash aid tomorrow at 8:30 because in California you have to meet with a fraud investigator, not that we did anything wrong...but everyone has to. I think that's the last of our things needed for it and I just pray all goes well. Not sure what all will be asked but I just hope it's something simple to verify our facts of what is going on.

We are doing fine right now, I'm trying to make a Christmas cd right now and staying in the spirit of christmas. OH and today we went to Kmart to look around and guess what!! We found this kit that you can use to recharge your ac which we need to do! So we are hoping around the next few months to get one of those (we don't need the ac right now) and fix our ac system in the van...hehe

We also found out that we can buy anything in the grocery store as long as it's not hot, so we go to the deli section and buy cold food (like tonight we get chicken!). It's funny when you are homeless the things that make you happy, but I hope it's not too much longer because sleeping in the van is causing me to get swollen ankles and feet. Hope everyone did have a good Thanksgiving and for all that have made sweet comments. God Bless.

I wish I could say that things were different

2007-11-23T13:33:00.000-08:00

But they are not. We have been homeless for two weeks now, living in the van. We did get food stamps which all 500 dollars of it...but you can't buy food that is already hot, so we have no idea what to do. Everyonce in awhile we go to the park and bbq just to have hot food instead of all the yucky non parishable food out there. We applied for welfare (ggggg...I hate that word, I never wanted to do that) but it's the only way to get cash aid. Who knows when that will kick in and maybe we can stay in a hotel.

His family utterly pisses me off, they just want us to go a shelter but when they found out that no one will take Omar (just me and the girls) they said that we and the girls could go to the shelter and he could stay with them....how cruel!!

Erin I don't have your email address, I wish I did. I can get online via McDonalds that's the only way I do stay in touch. Otherwise, my phone is out of credit because we have called and called to the stupid Department of Health and Human Services so many times. Dana put money on my phone and I bless her for that, it made me cry because when you are in our situation it makes you realize who you really can count on. Finding the meaning of being humble and learning just how cruel the world is.

We park our car places and maybe two hours later we get told we can't park there and have to move. We shower in the public bathrooms when we can and just do the best we can. His family also promised him three weeks of steady work, once we were out on the street it dwindled from 3 days to maybe either one or none. They say they won't help us until we find a steady place---but how can you find a steady place without money?? It's a catch 22 and I hate his family even more then before because they promised to help us and they broke their promise.

Thanksgiving was okay--but I fear about Christmas. This world is so materialized it's amazing. All I want for Christmas is a home---truly a place to call home.

I'm sorry

2007-11-08T18:30:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry god, I can't take it anymore...this is not what I wanted nor could I find a way to help...

On Sunday, I will be homeless---family doesn't care, all they care about is Omar's mom not the fact that my f-ing husband can't keep a job or refuses to find one and because of it me and my children are going to be homeless. Needless to say that the freakin state of California won't let me get cash aid to help my family out---they don't care and yet my tax dollars goes to that.

I'm sorry my children, I wanted things better for you. I tried, I really did. Mommy even went out and got a job---but it was too late. I wish I could turn back the clock my little ones, I love you so much and I tried to protect you.

I'm sorry God, I can't hold out for you any longer. You were suppose to protect us and now there is nothing left. I don't get it, why does my husband not get the clue??

I hate this world, I hate this life and I hate my husband for bringing me out here only to be thrown to the streets when his stupid supposedly family said they would help.....

I'm sorry.

October update (couldn't think of a title lol)

2007-10-24T16:17:00.001-07:00

The dsl is finally up and running and we are all okay. We only had voluntary evacuations yesterday and this morning it was lifted. While the air is still mostly covered in smoke we can now open up our windows to at least let some air in. We had to keep them closed because ash kept coming in (you should see our storage room) and the smoke was really getting to us. But today is really hot and they said it is suppose to start cooling off...we sure don't feel it!!

While hubby still doesn't have a job, mostly this week was a bust because of the fires. No work was coming in anyway so we can just hope tomorrow and the rest of the days will be better. Only time will tell really.

Little bella turned 2 months on Monday, I wish she would stay small and she is trying so hard to laugh and I got an almost full laugh out of her today. She coos like crazy when you kiss her little feet, and I love just being with her. She's had a hard time with the smoke though and finally is able to sleep a little better. This morning she slept from 6:30-11, so she is a very good sleeper when she wants to be. I have pictures of the girls, actually a lot of them..and I have a picture of my favorite thing over here--tamales!!

(this is a pineapple tamale...yummy!)

Here are some pictures of my sleeping bella, I had her laying down on the bed after she ate--she just likes to conk out like that either that or being rocked to sleep. She's getting to the point now though that she can go to sleep on her own but sometimes if she is over tired she has trouble.

And then some pictures of little lizzy.

Lizzy was climbing up on the bed to give bella a kiss...hehe

And then I'll leave you with one last picture of my little bella. hehe, she was sleeping on a pillow on my lap.

under a blanket of smoke

2007-10-21T23:02:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure if all of you have heard the news about the fires in Southern California, but it's bad. We are covered in a blanket of smoke and it's very hard to breathe and I'm having to use my inhaler. Ash falls constantly from the sky with just sut and smoke hovering above the sky with the sun and moon in no sight. Omar's family was evacuated from their home and the Tecate border is closed and people have to use the Otay border. Supposedly this is suppose to last another 2-3 days...I hope not. Please pray for us and the rest of the people in this fire, I hope everyone else is safe.

Everything is in Spanish LOL

2007-10-20T23:44:00.001-07:00

I do have internet, I'm on dial-up right now...and let me tell you...they change the language to spanish since I'm in Mexico. Not all sites do though, I usually have the option of changing it to english but all the stuff on blogger is in spanish (AHHHHHH--I don't know how to change it! lol)!! I won't get the dsl until later this week (we were suppose to have it by now) but something happened during when it was suppose to receive the signal so we have to wait...yuck!!

Hubby may have found another job, so please pray that things go well on Monday.

I will update with all information later on, but I leave you with a very cute picture of my little bella. I really love her and she sure is a momma's girl!! hehe Lizzy loves to kiss and hug her and she plays with her babies like I do with bella (she copies me hehe). I'll catch up on blogs sometime this week, next weekend when things calm down.

Enjoy the pic!!

update..I wrote this yesterday but things may change today

2007-10-11T12:37:00.001-07:00

October 10^th, 2007

This was written yesterday at around 10 p.m. at night. I hopefully will be able to catch up on everyone's blog here shortly.

I guess I should really update my blog, but it's so hard without internet. It's been about three weeks of no internet (I didn't use it much the last week we were at the house) and it's been so hard having to rely on my husband to help me set the stuff up. I was the one that did all that stuff because I knew how and he never had to do it, but now it's a requirement to have to rely on him to translate everything that is being said and me choosing which is best. We went last week to try to go with Axtel, which would have internet, phone and cable for 60 peso's a month (which US dollars is about 60 dollars...actually a little less) which I thought was great! When we went to give the guy our address he said the cable would be really staticy and the internet would only get a max speed of 96 kbps (dial up gets 56 kbps..so I don't think so). We then knew we had no choice but to go with Telnor. Tomorrow we go and do that and finally set everything up. I'm not sure if we will get cable or not, so it's all up in the air.

So to kind of back up and let you all know what happened the week we moved, things were tight these last two weeks. For one, if you remember my post back when they originally said they would pay two months rent up in advance, well...that eventually went down to one and then we paid stuff here and they then said it would only be 200. We were very upset about this because all month long they said they would pay that much and now...days before we move into here, we were told this. That week we also spent over 150 dollars on gas going back and forth from here to the US because no one would help us move which made things even tighter because he missed two days that week before and we really didn't know how we were going to make it. It's not like they cared that they didn't follow through with their agreement, so there was nothing we could do. We got everything moved in finally on Sunday and just figured that we would leave it at that and got cheap groceries but were having trouble making money for diapers. I finally had to pawn my ring for money for them, which I will pick back up tomorrow—but it was sad that no one would give us money for diapers to which we would pay back.

We were happy to be here though, I miss being in the US. No one here understands me and I even told a guy once when I crossed the border that I lived over here and he gave me the third degree. And my family thinks we are really on the lowest of lowest because we live here, but it really is cheaper. Now, not to say things are easier over here, in fact it's quite crazy. So on to our first week here:

Border wait to get him across for work was just insane the first day...TWO hours. He was almost 45 minutes late and he got in big trouble at work. They were going to let him go that day but his boss told them that he wants to keep him and that if he is late one more time without calling—he would be terminated. GREAT...just great. So we made it across the rest of the week until Friday..he was late and just didn't show up to work. He figured he was fired and called Adecco and said he no longer works for ITW Spacebags. It was a sad day...I had a feeling with the border crossing it was going to happen. Nothing I could do because his family would not listen to me about getting the sentri pass. So then on Monday...they call him and say ITW Spacebags has let everyone go and it's because there isn't any work. Great---so Omar is now jobless, but he can work at Labor Finders in Ocean Beach until he finds something else but I can't find the guy something unless I have internet and being over here without it is REALLY hard. I'm very lonely and he just doesn't understand it. The only people I get to talk to on a daily basis is him, Lizzy and Izabella. I'm going nuts really.

Speaking of Izabella, it's like the minute we moved into here and away from that house, she started sleeping about 3-5 hours at a time. Naps anywhere from 2-3 hours and the crying from 11:30-5 has ceased. She seems to be so much happier and while sometimes she has nights where she nurses like crazy (like every hour), I am getting much more sleep then before. I can proudly say that girl has been exclusively breastfed for a little over five weeks...bad part is she won't take a freaking bottle anymore!! Lizzy is eating better then when we were over there also, I don't get it nor understand it but we think they were still feeding her behind our backs fruit all the time that we requested that they stop. We were finally able to break her of the habit within two days of being here and in fact, she would rather eat her veggies and meat instead of a banana or apple! :)

But I am still worried about the fact of not being over there, Omar says we have to be over here for 6 months or else we loose our deposit. I'm hoping by then he would have a better job, we now have a good reference and able to leave from over here. We are going to take our income tax money and pay our debts off, so let's hope that all works out instead of what happened this past year. The Van is doing great—we did have a little scare because the Thursday before we left here the “Service Engine Soon” light came on. We both started freaking out and after I dropped him off at work I read the manual that it could have been a few things. Low fuel, bad gas, steep uphills with carrying a heavy load...and if it was these and then the light would go off after a few restarts. It finally did and it was a breathe of fresh air when it did. Another lovely thing off my chest, but now we are late on registering the car because of the money we thought they were going to pay so I'm hoping he will get a little extra money from working with Labor Finders until they find him something else. Though I have a feeling they won't find him anything...just seems that way, and of course we are stuck over here so I can just pray.

I have to admit—when I found out my aunt had her baby this past Sunday, I was a little jealous. Yes I know I have a newborn and our kids are about six weeks apart, but it made me realize I want another one still. I know not right now, but I get this way about this time with both of my kids for some reason. Did the same thing with Lizzy but it never went away and we tried around six months and nothing and nothing until she was over a year. But I know we are nowhere near financially ready to have another one and I would hate to think that this was it...plus I love having the two of them—except for little miss Lizzy being extremely fussy but I believe that is because she doesn't get enough sleep right now. I'm working on it though, she needs her beauty rest.

So hopefully I won't have to wait much longer to get the internet and find him a job like I did before. Plus I miss being online with my friends, email, doing my work and talking to my family. I swear, when I get the VOIP phone hooked up here, I'm gonna talk to my family for a long time!!!

K, I'm off of here, I'm going to go to bed...I've waited for this day tomorrow for so long, today just went by so so slow...dang, I miss you guys.

Yeah!!!

2007-09-23T19:37:00.000-07:00

You won't believe this, but we have our own place!!! We can start moving in now, but we have to see if we can get a stove and frig first and we even have washer and dryer hook-ups!!! WOOHOO!! It was exactly the places that we went to yesterday that we wondered if this was the one that lady was talking about and it was!! :) It's a two bedroom so I love the closet of the kids room, so much space! Our closet is so so but it's a bigger room and it's just so neat! I can't wait to start getting over there and decorating the room for the two of them--I think I'm going to do my little pony! :)

I can't help it, I'm so excited! If things get too much here, I may leave early just to be out of here and not be in this place--Omar wanted to stay there tonight and start bringing stuff over but I told him we would slowly. I will take pictures eventually once we do get a little settled in. :) We don't have furniture so the place is a little bare, but we've always started out like that so I know we will be okay...and the rent is only 285!! You seriously can't beat that...granted it's in Mexico but we are actually right next to the gate (border) and we can see it from our place. We even get signal on our cell phones...hehe, but I want to get a boost mobile phone when I get the chance. hehe.

Also, we aren't telling them where the address is right now, we both agreed that we need a time of peace to be away from them from all the crap that has gone on the last two months. We need that time to not have to deal with the things and then be able to move on...though Omar is really hurt by his adopted dad right now. I understand and I feel really bad for him.

I'm going to try to setup the internet and cable this week and in hopes that we can have it all on by this weekend...I hate being without internet...hehe plus I need it for work. :)

Okay I'm off, I got a really cute blanket while we were waiting at the border line..he originally wanted 65 for it but I got it for 30!! It's panda's!!! I'll get pictures here shortly...hehe

I'm not sure really

2007-09-22T22:17:00.000-07:00

Today we went out and looked for other places to go to. There was this place that Nena wanted us to go to and try to see it and we did...but I'm telling you...the place was tiny. It was like a box and it didn't even have a refrigerator. The dining room and living room were together and were the size of the room we were in, the two bedrooms were the size of this room BUT split in two. I told Omar I didn't think so it's just way to tiny for four people to live in a small space like that.

There was this other place we are suppose to go to but we didn't have the exact address...well the area that it was in, was very peaceful and quiet and no graphity on the walls. I told Omar...I REALLY hope this place is it. But it doesn't have a frig, stove..anything but it's 285 a month. Now the other place they have is for rent that does have it, but it's not available till the 15th (and it's 350 a month)..but I don't think they will allow us to stay here until then because when we got home, his adopted mom (Nena) said that we need to choose the first place available and stop being picky (HELLO, I'm not going to live in some pos and worry about my life and my children...SORRY). Omar was really mad about that comment and just went upstairs with us because enough is enough (Richard had told Nena that we had to find an apartment this weekend and that was it). I can only pray that this lady we see tomorrow is a nice place...plus it has carpet which I think is great! :) I hope it's in the area that we saw these apartments, they had a lot of people from california there (based upon the plates) so we shall see.

I also found out why Richard is such a jerk to us. When we were with Ricky and Elizabeth he had said something to us that Omar was like a son to them...well, I found out he is a liar. The only reason why they helped us was because he was Nena's blood...and not because he thought of Omar as a son...in fact he doesn't even like Omar...so yeah, I feel bad for him right now because he lived most of his life with these people and never got to feel the love of true parents...it's really sad and now he is going through this. It really is nuts.

On a quick note...Izabella has been great the last four nights!! No fussing, sleeping well and only getting up to nurse....so....is she over the colic??? I can only hope...but I knock on wood if she isn't!!! lol Let's see how tomorrow and tonight go.

It's colic...just colic

2007-09-19T13:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I finally made an appointment for Izabella. Sunday and Monday night were terrible, she was fussing non stop from 11:30 until almost 5 in the morning and on Sunday...she was even fussy during the day. I know something is wrong and nothing is working to calm her down...and when we went yesterday, she goes...oh it's just colic (this is not our regular doctor mind you). I burst into tears, no sleep for the last two days was killing me and I told Omar if they just told me it's colic I was going to bust into tears...and I did. She told me it should end in a few weeks and if not to call her back.

Nothing those two days did anything to calm her down, holding..rocking...car rides...you name it. I felt miserable and she just said that hubby needed to let me get some good sleep (yes he does get up sometimes with me--but since he works he gets to sleep). Now, last night we didn't have any of that. She started to fuss around 11 and I got her to nurse and fall asleep and no crying last night at all....so why is it that some nights she is completely fine and others she is highwired and screaming?

Not to mention that, but when she is like that, the whole house can hear her. People start slamming doors and it pisses me off. I feel helpless with it all and when we got back in the car I told him...how am I just suppose to tell your family..oh she has colic you just have to live with it. It's already a stressful situation here and now with this...I just wish there was something I could do for her.

On another note...still no places here--I think it's to the van we shall go in about a week. I have to find some storage for our stuff. I'm sure we can make it work somehow...not sure how but not like they really care about anything going on...I told you they kicked their own son out for the weeks that they will be gone in October.

Lizzy went to her cousins's birthday party yesterday--she had lots of fun. Nena took her while we went to the doctors appointment, I figured she would be better off there instead of with us and I was right. She has this little Hanna Montana pinata that they gave and I'm going to keep it and hang in it her room. I'm a big fan of Hanna Montana! :)

So I'm off, I got some sleep last night and then hubby watched both of the girls this morning and I did get some much needed sleep. Another thing that bugged me was that she said we had to keep her up more during the day...I told her, we do keep her up during the day...you don't understand she is extremely exhausted when she is fussing but just can't go to sleep, so it's not that. I wish doctors would listen to their patients. Izabella is up about every four hours and stays up for about 2 hours at a time...so that is not the case. In fact in the night she is more tired then she is in the day...so just stressed. I'll take a picture of the pinata here in a little bit and show you, it's really cute.

2007-09-17T18:45:00.000-07:00

I wish I had good news for everyone...I wish I had good news for us alone. So...if you want to stop reading here I don't blame you, but I am really stressed and worried now so I need to write.

I can't believe on Saturday how things turned out...the lady I spoke with wanted us to meet at 1:30 and we called and called her to make sure that was okay. Well, the lady never answered until after three and we finally setup a time to meet her. Well, we couldn't find the stupid place and the places we saw were horrible...I mean just plain POS. Graphity on the walls, junk everywhere, windows bashed out...I told Omar that it would be over my dead body to live there. We drove around for an hour and a half to try to find the place with no luck...and returned to San Diego.

When we got back, his adopted dad started yelling at Omar because the lady had called here asking about us. She told him the place was brand new (NO that is not what she told us) and he seemed agitated with us. We are doing the best we can, looking for places and trying to find a place to go...and then He asked Omar what we were going to do if we are not finding a place by the end of this month and Omar got pissed and said...we'll put everything in storage and live in the van.

Now at first I was agitated with omar about this...I know I don't want to be here anymore especially after what happened today. Nena told Omar that if we are not out by the end of the month and refuse to leave (he wants us out by then) that he will change all the locks on the door if he has to. I told Omar...I will not go back to this place if crap like this is going to happen...and sure enough it did. I don't want to be here right now I want to leave...I would rather stay in a van then here because at least we would be at peace and not have him bugging us every day or threatening things like that.

Now I'm being blamed for the fight we had and being told it was all my fault...I swear that man makes stories up in his head and probably makes himself believe them...the exact thing he said I did!! How could that fight be my fault? Just because I told him no that we wouldn't do that and he went into a fit of rage? I knew something was up when about two weeks after we had it he went back to his old ways of being a jerk and I no longer left Elizabeth downstairs with him...sometimes I really do hate being right.

When we moved into here we were told they wanted to help us...it's not like we are not looking for a place by golly I will not ask to stay past the end of this month--what a lie and what a slap in the face everything he has ever said. I refuse to...and we have been trying to get ahold of this lady like crazy and can't...and we aren't the only ones.

I'm scared though, I have to admit, I hate not knowing that is going to happen and know that there is a chance we will be homeless--the exact thing we wanted to avoid three months ago--not to mention the fact that I'm utterly tired and just wish that I could sleep. they don't know that Omar took the day off because I was so upset with the way things are going and worried that in less then two weeks we may be homeless. He's been trying to call the stupid lady all day with no answer. We've left two messages and nothing...so I think that is lost and I'm not sure what all to do.

So, I'm off...I really do need to rest because my head hurts and I'm not eating healthy because I'm depressed. Something has to go right sometime...just wish it would stay that way.

unjealous sister

2007-09-14T21:31:00.001-07:00

You know, when I got pregnant with Izabella, I was so afraid of how Lizzy would act and was prepared for her to be extremely jealous. Believe it or not...she gets mad if we won't let her touch, hold, or try to play with Izabella! His adopted mom tells me how surprised she is of how she is not jealous of Izabella but I said I'm shocked.

You should even see her too, she has this dog (which she calls woh woh) that I got for her as a gift when Izabella was born...well she swaddles it like a baby, tries to burp her and calm her. She even puts her in the swing when Izabella isn't in there!! LOL It's quite cute, I will have to get a picture of it.

Tomorrow we go look at the condo and I'll let you know how that goes. I hope this is it and by the end of the month we will have a place of our own. OH and we found a place where we can get the air conditioner fixed in the van for 60 bucks!!! Once Omar's paychecks get fixed (they have screwed up his paychecks three weeks in a row) we are going to take it and get it fixed. If his family still pays for the two months rent in advance as they say they will, we will get it done sooner...but it is getting cooler so I'm in no hurry. I also got both of their birth certificates today, so hopefully that's all I will need to cross the border at this time.

some update

2007-09-11T16:57:00.001-07:00

Well, Izabella's umbilical cord finally fell off last Friday. It was kind of sad, made me realize she was no longer attached to me. Well she is still small so I'm trying to enjoy her beyond the extreme tiredness. She still has her fussy time from 1:30-4 in the morning but she isn't refusing to nurse now...now that is all she wants to do. And I found that she only wants to sleep with someone, she sleeps best that way. For example, last night she finally settled down after she got done nursing around 4:30 and I just figured lay her with me and she slept until sometime when the sun came up (so it would have to be after six) and nursed for about five minutes and slept again until 9:30...nursed again for about 20 minutes and then slept until 11:30. That's been the best night sleep in awhile to be honest with you.

She also had her first bath on Saturday and of course...she hated it hehe. His adopted mom kind of surprised us on Saturday because he came up here (I just wanted to rest all weekend) and had two matching outfits for lizzy and Izabella. She wanted us to have their pictures taken, which she had already paid for. I really didn't want to go, but I didn't want her to loose her money so we went. Then we went out to eat for the first time and I'm getting better with the breastfeeding in public...though I just went out to the car and fed her. :) It's more comfy that way anyway.

Then on Sunday, we went to Walmart to get diapers. His mom had bought diapers for Lizzy and Izabella but they were the Parent's choice kind. Those give lizzy a diaper rash but she had opened it and I at least got to take Izabella's back and get pampers...but we used the ones for Lizzy and she got a bad diaper rash, so out we went to get pampers for her! While we were there, they had this travel swing on sale for 50 dollars and Omar and I debated on whether or not to get it for Izabella. We finally gave in and did, it's the Rainforest Travel swing and she loves it!! She slept in it the other day for three hours and it has five speeds with little songs...really cute!

And we may have found a place to move to. We are going to go see it this weekend, it's over in Mexico but it's a two bedroom condo for rent for 300 a month with 150 deposit. But since we don't have good references, they said we could pay 600 and all would be well. I'll let you all know how it goes.

I'll leave you all with some pictures of izabella...my camera is on hiatis...it's not working right so this is all I have for now. K, blogger is being silly and I'm not able to upload pictures right now, but I will later.

a friend needs prayers

2007-09-08T19:23:00.000-07:00

My friend leah needs some prayers and some time to heal. She had a baby in June, one day before Elizabeth's birthday, and he passed away yesterday during surgery. If someone reads this, please go over to her blog and write a special little comment for her, it would mean a lot. I only wish right now I was closer to her so that I could be there for her, it just makes you want to hold your little ones even tighter because you never know when tomorrow is today.

Leah, if you read this, I am so sorry for your loss, but know that he is better now and not in any pain. God will protect him in heaven and just remember the good times you had with him, while they may be few. I can't imagine what you are going through, but know that I love you and will be here for you if you need me.

Here is the link to her blog, she hasn't updated it in awhile, but feel free to leave a comment if you like: http://leahdeclue.blogspot.com/

Gripe Water?

2007-09-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

So for two weeks I've listened to my daughter scream her lungs out for over two hours with minimal breaks between. It seemed like she was having trouble with an upset stomach or gas and the stupid gas drops would do nothing to help her. She would pull her legs up and hunch over and sometimes the only way to get her to sleep was if we laid her on us...and sometimes that didn't even work. There were days where she would be alright but mainly the hours that caused chaos was between 1:30-4 in the morning. Gosh, I felt so hopeless...she wouldn't even nurse she was in so much pain.

My desperation hit the high when she started from the time I got home from getting Omar the other day until around 4...almost four hours. I finally took her to the van and drove with her hoping that the rocking of the vehicle would calm her down. It didn't. I hate it that doctors just tell you, it's colic and there isn't anything you can do for them except be there...yeah that's all great and dandy but my child is hurting..screaming for me to do something to help them.

So, on Tuesday I searched and searched high and low to find out anything to try to help the symptoms of colic...and came across gripe water. Everything said I couldn't use it until a month until I found baby's bliss gripe water, I could use it once she was two weeks...great! She was two weeks on Wednesday...so Tuesday night I went to walmart to try to find it...yeah they didn't have it. I knew Walgreens did so I drove to the only 24 hour one in our area and grabbed the last bottle...dang 12 bucks for this sucker I thought...I at least gotta try it.

When we got home, she was fine and sure enough, right around 1:30 the crying started...I went ahead and decided to give it a try. It said on the bottle that it works within 5-20 minutes but it did take a little longer and she started tooting stuff out, quite loudly and she stopped crying. She slept except for waking up for feedings until 9 yesterday...no crying, nothing...she would just lightly fuss when she woke up to feed. Now I was still skeptical about it, maybe it was just a good night and she was fine, but then last night she started it up again, but in two different times. Around 8 p.m. she started having bad gas and I gave her some and it worked, took a little bit longer then 20 minutes but she was able to sleep. :) Then this morning around 6 she started crying again and we gave it another try and she let out these huge 2 burps (and I had been patting her back trying to get her to burp) and again the gas. she slept and it really seems to help her.

I'm sure it doesn't work for every one...the only thing I wish..it tasted better. It tastes quite nasty!! LOL But she is doing a lot better now, in fact she is sleeping right now and I'm gonna go nap with her...but I am just happy now that when she has these boughts I can do something to help her. She seems so much more happier now! :)

Hot Hot...and the fan just blows hot air!!

2007-09-02T13:29:00.000-07:00

So just to show you, I told his mom yesterday that today was suppose to be the worst yet, our van shows a different temperature outside, they say it's around 100 (which generally it's right because it picks it up from a Satellite), but weather.com says this:

Regardless, I feel HOT (they say it's partly cloudy but it's not)!! I wish it would rain here, oh how I miss the rain!! I feel so bad for my little ones because Lizzy is outside playing while Omar cleans the Van..and she came up and was all sweaty. I'm upstairs trying to keep the newborn cool, she's doing better but still extremely stuffed up. I actually got about 8 hours of sleep last night, not all at once granted lol.

Richard, Omar's adopted dad hasn't been here all weekend...THANK GOD, I don't want to see that man because I just think he is the lowest of lowest right now. I did apply for the Sentri pass to cross the border faster--supposedly there is no wait on that line because you pay 254 dollars a year to cross the border...that's for a family. I had to pay 50 dollars just for the application fee, so it will be 204 once we get approved and it says within 4-6 weeks. I can only hope that it gets approved before then and Omar still says that he wants to call to his friends and see what they say. I just want to be gone really, have our own place--I'm to the point where I could care less of where it's at, I just want to be out of here.

I got an opportunity to work from home, I'm not sure if I am going to take it or not and while I can't quite share what all I would be doing, if it does work out I will let some other people know. I don't get why some companies don't let you share this information, maybe to protect the employee?? We'll all see cause West no longer contracts so my last day with them is on the 8th...and I'm not working it anyway.

My friend Jen sent this REALLY cute thing for Izabella! It has her name on it and it's a burp cloth with a bib and it's so cute that I almost don't want to use it! I was so shocked to find on Saturday that she sent something--I wish I could say thank you to her but she won't be back from Vacation until Tuesday--she went to Philly at Sesame place. I hope she is having fun cause I really miss talking to her. hehe, I'll secretly be glad when she is back!! LOL I'll put pictures of what she got for her up here, I really need to get thank you cards to send them to people. If my printer had ink in them, I would do it that way but wouldn't you know--it's empty ;).

Omar thinks I'm dehydrated from the heat because I haven't been drinking enough. I've had an upset stomach for two days and I tell him all the time...I hate water hehe. So I drink juice, flavored water, milk..whatever I can find. But honestly, lately I have been very bad about it...with the heat and stuff I just am not hungry that much and thirsty I drink when I'm thirsty and that is it. Oh...and I weighed myself (I was frightened to do this) and found that I lost over 30 pounds, so I'm only 8 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight of Lizzy. WOW, who'd a thought you could loose weight during a pregnancy! :) I really still want to loose another 40 pounds to feel better about my weight and if I can do that by the end of this year, that would be great!

Okay, well little stinker two is sleeping on me right now so I'm gonna go lay down and take a nap. Then when he is done we are going to watch a movie...I think he is off tomorrow so YEAH!!

Do I have a right to be mad? cause I'm utterly pissed

2007-08-31T11:07:00.000-07:00

As everyone on here knows we are staying with Omar's family until our estimated leave date of around the end of September/early October. We gave them this estimate back when the big fight came and still have every plan to be out by this time. Well, ever since we have had the baby, not even 24 hours after being home from the hospital Omar's adopted dad asked if we were going to be out by the end of September/early October because Monique requested to have the WHOLE house to herself. Now also understand, their son Roman is staying here and they kicked him out during this time so that this girl could have the house to herself while his family is on vacation...a whole 20 days (who the hell needs a whole house--five bedroom--to themselves when they are 24 years old??).

Here is my beef with this...we told them already we were going to be out by this time...why is that right after we have this baby they are already asking and didn't even have the common decency to WAIT at least a week to verify...and not only that, but Omar says that isn't the only time they have done it and we have only been home a week!! THEN, he comes up to me all excited one day saying that they would like to pay two months rent for us and I said...yeah that would be all fine and sweet, but there is a motive behind it (because this was after his dad had asked Omar last Saturday). If they hadn't been asking us these questions and then all of a sudden be told they would do this, I would never think twice and think they were sweet people...BUT they are doing it to get us out of the house (but not in a nice way)--not agreeing to what we originally did. NOW he tells me they want us out two weeks BEFORE September even ends to assure that we will be gone by the end of September!!!!

I'm exhausted, tired, all I want to do is conk out and now I'm having to deal with this (not to mention both of my kids are sick because of his family!). I'm sick and tired of his family saying one thing and then doing another. If you are going to offer your help to someone then by God do it! And do it with an open and willing heart, not with a freakin intention of just doing it because and then end up shoving the person out! I feel so trapped, I want to leave right now but they want us to live in Mexico...which I'm okay with that but I'm afraid of him having to cross the border every day! Last night it took his family almost two hours to cross it and I can't do that with a toddler and a newborn...I just can't! And Mexico is not the end all to end all problems, yeah it's cheaper to live there but then again...who the hell wants to spend 2 hours crossing a freakin line to get to work?? We wanted for me to try to find a job and then we find an apartment which I'm looking for a job but who knows how long it will take!

So we are stuck and trying to decide on what to do because now we feel not welcome here, and I still can't believe they threw Roman out for those days just so this girl can have a whole house to herself...she can't even pick up after herself and she is the same age as me!! We do more around this house then she does and it pisses me off to no end (I end up doing this girls chores and I didn't even know it until Omar told me)! We have even offered to pay rent to his family for the time we were/are here and they refused...that's not our fault!! We don't eat their food, we don't make a mess, we try to be quiet as possible and they always do stuff like this! They say one thing and then later on we find out they want us to do another...WTF??? God I just want to cry and scream!! Do people not have manners anymore??? His adopted dad all saying..I'm glad you are here so I can spend more time with you...yeah...he hasn't spent a lick of time with Omar!!!!

Yeah I'm pissed...I want to scream, cry, pound on something...and I just want to have someone that wants to help out of the goodness of their heart, not do something just because....gosh what is this world coming to?

cold..ugh

2007-08-30T21:50:00.000-07:00

So Lizzy went with Nena this weekend to a party that Omar's family had. I had my qualms about letting her go because every time we go to a family gathering of his, we get sick. It never seems to fail. His mom said she would watch her closely and not let people touch her...well, Monday night she started to get a runny nose which I just thought it was because she had cried but then on Tuesday she got a little worse and then last night she got this horrible cough and stuffed up nose. I had been running a fever off and on since Tuesday but just chalked it up to getting my milk in but then noticed that I started getting a runny nose....and now baby is all stuffed up. She's been extra fussy because of it--which means even less sleep then before. She seems to be a lot more fussier then Elizabeth was or at least from what I can remember and then on top of that she got sick last night. Maybe they both were, but I'm looking forward to the weekend so Omar will be here and we can both relax a little bit.

I would just take Lizzy downstairs for one of them to watch her so I can get some rest when she sleeps, but today when I asked for just a half hour to nurse Izabella, his mom seemed agitated. I've never asked her before to watch Lizzy, they have always asked if they could but I've only let them since the baby was born and that's only been one day (which was Tuesday)...so I guess I won't bother with that anymore. Kind of sucks that I can't nurse freely because I don't feel comfortable doing that in front of people so I come upstairs and she nurses quite frequently so I don't have a lot of time. I feel bad for Lizzy but there really isn't much I can do right now. She's resting right now next to me and I'm hoping she too feels better. Having both of them sick is very trying when you are already only getting about 6 hours of sleep a day if even that! She seems to like her sister though because she wants to feed her, rock her and hold her and a lot of times i have to actually tell her to leave her sister alone because she is sleeping!! LOL

Anyway, I'm gonna go lay down with lizzy for a little bit since other little one is finally sleeping peacefully. We need to invest in a swing because we found she likes to either be rocked or swung...so we will see!

1 week old and the birth story! :)

2007-08-29T20:11:00.000-07:00

To celebrate Izabella's one week old birthday, I'm going to finally post the birth story. It kind of brings tears to my eyes to know it's all over, but now I get to enjoy her with me for now. I've been trying to post this for days and everytime I get ready to, either she wakes up...needs a diaper change..or Lizzy wants something and just don't have time! lol So...here it is!

On Wednesday August 22, 2007 I woke up around 9 o'clock to some pain and realized that it was probably a cramp but it lasted for quite some time. I figured maybe I was just having a light contraction and decided to try to move and see if it would go away. I moved and noticed that I got another one. I laid still for a few moments and then had to use the restroom and got up. On the way there I got another one and had another one on the way back. I really didn't know if this was the real thing or not because they weren't too painful and seemed like they were far apart but got online to see on contraction master.com. Well, I was the only one up at the time and was chatting with Jen about that I could be in labor (cause the day before I just had bh's all day long if you remember my post) but I didn't want to tell Omar just yet so he could call out of work. She kept telling me to just go and give him the heads up, but I waited until the time came after timing them for an hour. He said "really?" when I told him and asked me if he should call out and I said, let me take a shower and see if they go away.

I went down to take a shower, but was still getting them during the shower and OH man the hot water during the contractions felt great!! When I got out and started timing them again they had slowed down some and were a little further apart. At that time I started talking to Leah online and all of a sudden, they started to get stronger. She thought I should go to the hospital at that time but I said I haven't had anything to eat yet and Omar went down to make breakfast. Well...he comes back up around 11:30 and tells me that he still hasn't made it (he went down at the time I went to take a shower which was around 10:30) because everyone else was making food, so he ran down to make something to eat because I told him this was probably it.

He finally comes back up around 12:20 and says that the spaghetti is ready (yes, yummy breakfast! lol) and I went down to eat, got done in about 15 minutes and told him...let's get going. Well, he kept piddling around with stuff, doing this and that and before I knew it, it was about 1:30. I told Leah I was going to be going to the hospital to see what they say and Jen at the same time. She was like...you are going to drive yourself to the hospital? I said yeah, the contractions aren't that bad and I'll be fine...hehe. We all get in the car and it seems to me that they are fading and I'm thinking in my head...jeez they are going to turn me away and think I'm nuts! lol Well, I had about two contractions on the way there and one of them was during a stop light so it wasn't so bad. We pulled into the hospital but there weren't any parking lots close and Sharp has this HUGE hill leading up to the hospital and we had to park down at the bottom...so up I climb and halfway there I get a contraction so we had to stop. We go in and ask where to go for being admitted to labor and delivery and they told us to go straight there. we go up to the third floor and I call on the little phone to ask to be admitted and fill out the paperwork to say that I'm having contractions every five to fifteen minutes. Well, while waiting there with Omar and Lizzy...they seemed so far apart and there were two other people in there that were suppose to be admitted or at least checked out at triage to see if they could. We sat there for about an hour and a half and they finally told me to go back. Because we had Lizzy with us Omar couldn't go back (which to be quite honest with you...I was scared to be back there by myself, so I'm sure it would have freaked her out!).

I got ready and then a nurse came in and all the beds in the triage room were full, so there were about six other women in there and I seemed to be having light contractions compared to them, they were sounding like they were dying...yes I'm mellow dramatic sometimes lol. Well, the nurse came in and she was very nice and said let's check you and checks and goes...wow! You are already 5-6...you are staying! I was shocked! I never thought I would be that far along and be able to handle the contractions! Soon after I got my iv in and hooked up the stuff for the penicillin and went into my own room. They then brought Omar and Lizzy in and he was like...they didn't tell me anything about what was going on (and it had almost been an hour since I was in there) cause I went back around 3:30 and got to my room around 4:30 but was admitted at 4:10. He had told me the other lady sitting across from us was sent home and I told him well, we are staying lol.

Everything was fine, we were watching tv with Lizzy, she was playing with our cell phones and then we got told that if Lizzy was going to be staying in the room with us she could, but once it came time to push baby out Omar would have to leave with Lizzy because she wasn't allowed. So Omar started to call his family and tell them the situation (they had said they would watch her, but we could not get ahold of anyone when we left) and finally he did and told them we were in the hospital and Monique was to come pick her up around 7:30. Fine with me. hehe. Well, about 20 minutes after being there the nurse comes in and says the doc wants to start you on pitocin...I looked at Omar because he knew how I felt about it and I said, no don't put me on that to the nurse and she goes, why? I said because I can't handle the contractions with that and I was given it with my daughter and ended up getting the epi early because they were too much. She said well you understand why they give it to you, to help progress labor and I said, I do but I'm refusing it. Omar said, yes we refuse it. Well she said she would talk to doctor and come back and when she did she said he said okay (whew!). I was upset about that, I was progressing just fine without the stupid pitocin, let me try to do this without stupid drugs like that!

I kept breathing through my contractions and handling them until around 6 when they started to get really intense. And then the back pain started, I tried and tried to get comfortable and it would work for a short time and then come right back after a contraction. I could always tell when one was coming because Izabella would start moving around and kicking and then bam one would hit. Well, the pain in my back just got too much to where I was starting to fight the contractions...and I knew I needed to do something to relax and asked for the epidural. The nurse said she would go see if they could come and do it. WELL, I got told it was probably unlikely because he was in surgery and not sure if he could make it. I started getting scared because I was not handling the contractions and by this time I was already seven. I asked her if I could have something else and she told me because I was so close to eight that I couldn't because it would go to baby. Omar would hold my hand and I just breathed and breathed and I tried to massage my back to get rid of the pain, and it helped but not much. I still watched tv with him and Lizzy but not actively.

So, 7:30 comes and Monique never shows up...we wait and wait, it becomes 8 and she still isn't there and Lizzy is getting fussy. So he calls his cousin Vicki to see if she knows where she is at, and she calls Monique I guess and she shows up an hour late (around 8:30) to get Lizzy. She asked how far I was and I told her still 7 and she said okay, I'm going to take her for ice cream and I said she would like that. Gave Lizzy a kiss good-bye and then it was just Omar and I.

He stayed by me for some time, helping me through the contractions. The nurse had brought in the tools for the epidural just in case he could come and I was staying at 7...but the contractions were getting worse...still about 3-5 minutes apart to my surprise! Well, come around nine the nurse comes in and says he will do it!! WHEW!! It didn't take long for him to get in there and he was working on getting me ready. Omar had to leave the room, well he just stayed in the little hallway of the room and they closed the curtain. I got to lay down and it kicked in five minutes later and hubby came in and he asked me if I felt better. I said, yes and kind of felt drugged up lol. I could almost fall asleep and he said he was getting hungry. I said I'm thirsty and hungry and the nurse goes, well you can't have anything until after the baby is born but he can do down to the vending machines. He asked her if I could have some water and she said ice chips...well she went to get them and guess what...she brought back a popscicle and ice chips...oh man that popcicle tasted so great! He then went down to get something from the vending machines after he fed me the popsicle and ice chips and while he was gone...I had this huge contraction (I was still feeling them, but very lightly--but no back pain it was all up front) and once it was gone, my water broke. I called for the nurse on the intercom to tell her my water broke and she came in and asked me if I felt comfortable and I said yes and she goes, well I'm going to break your water now...hehe, I said she already did it for you. :)

She got all excited and checked to make sure it was clear and all well and when this was going on, hubby came back up and I go, guess what--my water broke and he goes, wow, already! ha ha. Well, she says that she is going to leave and to call her if I felt pressure or felt like pushing. I swear, not soon afterwards...maybe 10 minutes or so, I felt lots and lots of pressure down below and I felt like she was pushing to get out. I told Omar and I said the contractions are picking up. I tried to put more medicine on but it wasn't working (it numbed my pain from the back but I was now feeling the contractions). Somehow during our conversation the nurse came in and I told her that I felt lots of pressure and she checks me...9.5 and she said hold on and came back a few minutes later. She asked me to push a little bit to see if she could get me to 10 and she did...then she calls the doctor.

It took a few minutes for everyone to get there but they were already told I was about ready to push and they got me ready and hubby is watching (to my surprise). Well they ask me to push and there was just so much pressure and pain, I pushed as hard as I could but it hurt so bad I didn't think I could get her out. They were counting to 10 and asking me to keep pushing after the 10 and I did and then the third time I got her head out...but here came the kicker. They asked me to push again and again and I said I can't....and I did try and try and the next thing I heard was him using the scissors and I'm thinking oh no...and they asked me to push one last time as hard as I could and I did...and bam, out she came. Omar said she came flying out and the doctor kind of had to catch her (which I thought was kind of funny lol) and all the pressure that I had was gone. I heard her start crying not soon after and he realized we didn't have the camera! We had left the hospital bag in the van incase they didn't admit us so he went running down to get it and then started taking pictures and videos of her. :) He was such a proud dad. I found out he called his family on the way out to the van and told them the news and he got to talk to Lizzy.

They were worried about her lungs because the nurse said she had fluid in them from the sound of it (which kind of scared me) and asked for the pedi to come in (because izabella never stopped crying) and she said she was fine. They were able to hear them better because she had calmed down. I had noticed that her heart rate was going down during the pushing and I think that's why they wanted me to get her out as fast as I did, in about five minutes I had her pushed out.

We ended up staying in the delivery room that night because the hospital beds were full, which was fine with us. But we had a rough night because she wouldn't sleep. We got moved to another room the next morning and Nena came with Lizzy and Lizzy spent the day with us. We played with her and the baby and she was great! It was so good to see her after all that time, and Omar took her back that night because they said she couldn't stay with us. They only allowed one person to stay in the room...which was so odd. Nena and Richard stopped by that night and brought flowers and a balloon for a congratulations and what's so weird...Richard wouldn't hold Izabella because he said he never held his kids until they were more firm...how odd. I just said oh okay lol. The night was a little better then before, but still tough. Even Omar said to the nurse that she wouldn't sleep and she said that she would probably take the whole bottle of formula..the whole 2 ounces...even AFTER breastfeeding. So we tried it...and she slept for four hours!! I've gotten her down to maybe six ounces a day of formula but still working on doing it as a one to two time thing a day...I'm getting there! The pediatrician and my doctor came in the morning to release us...I was kind of sad to go because it felt nice to be catered to. I still got catered to when I got home, but at least it kind of was like our room...our little place where we weren't with other people, but I do sleep better here.

Omar went back to work yesterday and I miss him terribly. I wish he could have taken off longer but it was all without pay and his dad is already asking us now when we are going to leave. I felt it was kind of rude, not even 24 hours after we got home from the hospital he was asking Omar this...so I still think his dad is a total jerk. Nena has been great, she cooks meals for me, takes care of Lizzy every once in awhile so I can spend a little time with Izabella (lizzy LOVES nena, which I'm so glad to hear) and I am finding that me spending more time alone with lizzy and doing things makes her a little less jealous. She still gets jealous from time to time, but not as bad as the first two days here. In fact, she asks to hold baby and feed her...I have pictures which I will post with this, they are so cute! :) My two little stinkers. :)

Missing being pregnant

2007-08-26T13:32:00.000-07:00

Even though she was just born five days ago, I really miss being pregnant with her. I'm in that highly emotional stage after birth where you can cry one moment and the next you are laughing. I'm doing okay though, I love having her around and while yesterday little Lizzy got some jealousy she seems to be doing better today. I spent some time last night with her after she came back from the party with Nena and it really helped. Even this morning she was great, but she too is emotional. I know this is hard for her and everything, but we will all get this together. I know it.

It's crazy how fast it all went and I miss the attention probably that I got at the hospital with having her. I also know that I do want more after this one, we had originally settled for four kids and I still want to keep it that way! :) I told Omar I already want another one, but I want to wait until the two of them are a little older. I would do this all over in a heartbeat because of how much I love the two of them.

I am breastfeeding and formula feeding, she just seemed to hungry for breastfeeding and never got full. The first night I had her she was nursing and nursing and I never got any sleep. Come around 5 in the morning I asked for a bottle so we could both rest and she sleeps so well. For example, she woke up at 9:30 this morning--nursed and ate formula and is still sleeping and it's 1:30. I know I would love to completely breastfeed her but I also want her to be happy, so that is all that matters. Plus, at least she is getting something it's better then nothing.

I will post the birth story here shortly, I was just so tired and finally got caught up on my sleep from not sleeping at the hospital so I'll leave you to a little photo hubby took yesterday of little Izabella. :)

introducing...miss Izabella Grace!!

2007-08-24T12:10:00.000-07:00

YES, she has finally arrived and while I'm exhausted, I'm so in love with her. I love holding her, cuddling with her...she is just so cute!! She's quite docial now too!!

Anyway hehe, she was born on Wednesday at 10:50 p.m. weighing in at....drumroll please...NINE pounds 2 ounces! She was 20 inches long and according to the doctors, she is a very healthy baby! :) I have quite a birth story to share with everyone which I will post later, but I gotta catch up on some emails that I have missed. hehe Enjoy the pictures and there are videos too! :)

I think this is it!!

2007-08-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning to having a contraction, thought maybe it was just because of how I was laying but when I walked to the bathroom had another one. So...I've been timing them on the contraction master and they are starting to get more and more painful...and here is what I have so far:

10:17:32 am 10:18:23 am 51 secs 5 mins, 49 secs
10:11:42 am 10:12:29 am 47 secs 1 mins, 29 secs
10:10:13 am 10:10:54 am 41 secs 5 mins, 5 secs
10:05:07 am 10:05:55 am 48 secs 4 mins, 13 secs
10:00:54 am 10:01:35 am 41 secs 3 mins, 31 secs
09:57:22 am 09:57:53 am 30 secs 4 mins, 12 secs
09:53:10 am 09:54:05 am 55 secs 4 mins, 11 secs
09:48:58 am 09:49:49 am 51 secs 5 mins, 24 secs
09:43:34 am 09:44:21 am 47 secs 3 mins, 59 secs
09:39:34 am 09:40:19 am 44 secs 3 mins, 50 secs
09:35:45 am 09:36:28 am 43 secs 2 mins, 53 secs
09:32:51 am 09:33:35 am 44 secs

SO..if this keeps up within the next half hour or so, I think I'm gonna head to the hospital. I'm gonna go jump in the shower and if they don't stop by then and you don't hear from me later today, I'm there!!!

Small update: It's about 1:30 here and I'm STILL getting contractions and they are getting stronger. I'm gonna head for the hospital, but hubby doesn't realize I NEED to get there!!! LOL

39 weeks...I'm thinking she doesn't want to come lol

2007-08-21T12:47:00.000-07:00

My due date is this coming Monday and my doc appointment on Thursday. I told them last time, hopefully I wouldn't have to come in...will I?? Man I hope not!! I've been having bh contractions almost all day but they just take my breathe away and nothing else!! At least with Lizzy my water broke and it was apparent that I was going to go into labor but with this one...I have no idea LOL. She's keeping me on my toes! She has to come sometime right??

It got really hot here yesterday, over 95 and poor Omar, it was hotter where he works and the warehouse doesn't have air in it! I felt so bad for him and Lizzy and I just sat up in the room with the fan blowing on us the whole time. YIKES! Some people are saying another two weeks of this, I hope not, because Sunday wasn't too bad with a high of 83 and so very cool outside in the night...and then bam! Only a low of 78 last night..yeah crazy for Cali! Maybe because of the hurricanes that is why? I hear Mexico is getting bombarded by it right now, just further down south. Omar's grandpa lives down that way so he is still staying up here. Poor guy, at least he doesn't have to go through that.

Here comes another one, but they don't hurt they just have a lot of pressure and very very tight to some point of me not being able to breathe!! At least if they were painful I would know if they were real or not! LOL I'll keep you all updated! :) Let's hope she comes this week..hehe

pictures!

2007-08-19T17:08:00.001-07:00

I have our pictures, but not all of them. :( They were just too expensive to get all of them, the ones we got alone were 50 bucks and only two poses, but I think they turned out great. I had chosen a big enough dress to cover my preggo belly hehe. I wanted the one of Omar and I, but it's okay. I didn't want to spend 100 dollars on pictures, that to me is just WAY too much. So I have taken pictures of the ones until I get them scanned, so here they are! :)

I really love this last picture of her, there was one more I really wanted, but this works. :)

tiny update

2007-08-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

I know everyone tells me I'm a wimp because it's so much hotter in Missouri right now, but let me stress something to you. Air conditioning is very common there because of how hot the summers are. The last four days here have reached over 90, granted it is dry heat and not a lot of humidity....BUT, we do not have an air conditioner. The nights aren't much cooler with temps still hanging in the high 70's sometimes 80's in different areas, but I'm having a really hard time with this. I pretty much just sit here and sweat all day long and we tried to look into getting the van's air conditioning fixed and it looks like it would be around 300 dollars. yeah that's like a weeks worth of pay for Omar, so that is obviously out of the question at this point and time. I try to sleep, but I can't because I'm sweating and it's so uncomfortable. The last three nights I've gotten about three hours of sleep each night and now I'm utterly exhausted. My head hurts and I just want to be comfortable to sleep without sweating my butt off all day.

I have a cup of ice that I lay next to me in bed and use that to try to cool off, but it dries quickly and then within minutes I'm back to the way I was. We went to Walmart yesterday to get him a belt and the air felt so good that I almost fell asleep in blimpies. lol

I did get my ultrasound yesterday and he said he didn't see anything wrong with the baby. Not only that...but I tested positive for the stupid strep b thing...and I know this is weird, but it makes me feel like a failure. I'm a very clean person so what the hell is this that is making me have to have that stupid stuff again (I got it with Lizzy because I never got tested and they just gave it to me) and while I know there are two doses, I didn't even get to finish the first one with lizzy because I labored so fast with her. I don't want to have to go the hospital immediately when I'm laboring with this one because it's SO very uncomfortable being stuck in that bed but from what I heard the antiboitics take 8 hours total and I don't want that. I was only in labor with Lizzy for 5 hours from the time my water broke.

They tried to tell me it's not my fault, but why do I feel like it is? Maybe I'm just way too emotional right now with going through all this and it's so hard to explain to hubby but I just don't get it.

Hubby was being sweet yesterday because when they were doing the ultrasound, the doc said that he wouldn't get a good picture of the baby because I'm overweight (the top part of my belly doesn't have much fat on it, but when I'm pregnant it all settles to the bottom...hard to explain)...and it really hurt my feelings and he was being a total jerk at the end of it because he's like, there is too much fat here for me to get a good view of the head. Omar is like...well maybe you need a new ultrasound machine because she is fine. And I think he pissed off the doctor because he's like, well if you want a new one you can go pay for one and Omar told me after it was all said and done that he felt like he was a jerk to me and there was not reason for the comments. And I still hurt from him pressing so hard with the wand but I just tried to stay quiet because I wanted to make sure she was okay. I don't understand why docs have to be that way, I know I'm overweight but it's been a battle with me since my senior year in high school. I've done really well with this pregnancy and only gained 7 pounds total...with none in the last two weeks, so I don't know. I wish I was skinnier, I really do but I don't eat that much, and right now activities kill my energy and I'm already tired as it is. I guess I'm always doomed to be called obese or overweight for the rest of my life.

TEENY TINY UPDATE: We went to walmart today to buy a bigger fan that can go in the window. We hooked it up around seven and I have to admit...I'm freezing now. lol I get to sleep with my big blanket and in peace, I'm SO in heaven! LOL His mom came into the room and even said it felt great in here, so hehe. We weren't sure if we were going to buy a room air conditioner or not, but the windows here are horizontal instead of vertical so they are more expensive. ahhh, I am so ready to conk out after this heat this week...OH and hubby bought me some new shirts, I even got one for three dollars!!! not too bad for 12 bucks for 3 shirts if you ask me, that's why i love K-Mart!

Heat wave...ugh and 38 weeks preggo...not a good mix!!

2007-08-13T16:30:00.000-07:00

So I couldn't figure out why it was so hot in here today until I took him to work and the temp read over 86 and I told Omar...oh no and went to weather.com with a warning that this would last until Wednesday. Toppled with the fact that I'm 38 weeks today, miserable, hot, and just ready for this baby to come, I don't like the heat anymore! LOL It's Cali, it's suppose to be nice year round..hehe

So, I'm okay with missing the appointment, I have felt her move a lot within the last week so she should be okay and sometimes I feel like she wants to try to get out and I'm secretly saying to her...now you can come anytime...hehe

So, we had our pictures done as a family yesterday and even had some of Lizzy which I am so sure are going to be a riot! We get to pick them up on Sunday and I hope I get to see them. I want to get a few of them...yeah I'm horrible but hey, I wanted these for my birthday and I still have some money left over for that. hehe let's just hope they aren't extremely expensive!!

We got our tire fixed and they were even able to fix the rim, but a total cost of 60 bucks for the new tire, mounting and balancing. UGH, hopefully something unexpected won't happen this week like the last few ones. Anyway, I'm gonna go sit and sweat this heat off, another two days, too much for me!! Baby...when are you coming??? lol

I didn't get to make it to my appointment

2007-08-10T16:54:00.000-07:00

And because I'm still ticked about what happened, I'm just going to copy and paste my IM conversation with Dana...I'm not sure what to do really:

Stephanie: I was taking Omar to work and all of a sudden I noticed that the Van was getting lower on one side
Stephanie: and I said...umm..Omar something is wrong
Dana: oh noooooo! a flat tire?
Stephanie: and he was like...what and then the passenger side tire went completely flt and the rim was jsut riding on the road
Stephanie: I put the flashers on and tried to get over as fast as I could and tire chunks started going everywhere
Stephanie: and smoke started coming out
Stephanie: we pulled over, he tells me the rim is probably shot because it's bent in three different places and he put the spare on...he was late for work and I had a doctors appointment at 3:30
Dana: Man!! That's happend to me before
Stephanie: well I was going to be late, this was totally unexpected but I needed to go becasue they were going to do an ultrasound to just make sure everything was okay. I was told by my last doctor that probably the baby's amniotic fluid is low
Stephanie: so I call up there and she (the lady on the phone at the office) to just be nice and let her know I was going to be late
Stephanie: and she is like, well we can't wait around for you to be late, the doctor has to leave
Stephanie: and asked me how late I was going to be and I said about 20 minutes
Stephanie: she puts me on hold and says we have to reschedule you
Dana: that's crap!
Stephanie: I was like...what! You make me wait in the doctors office for 15-20 minutes and you can't have him wait for me to get there?
Dana: LOL!! That's a good one.
Stephanie: and she is like, he is the only doctor on call and he has to go to the hospital because there are babies he has to deliver and I am like, it's freakin 20 minutes!!
Stephanie: I said, it's not my fault that this happened and I had the courtesy to call you to tell you I was going to be late, I should have just showed up and then probably would have gotten my appointment
Stephanie: and she goes, well is there a specific reason why you want it and I told her what my previous doctor had said and she goes...well there isn't anything I can do and I said, fine..I'll just go to the ER and request one since you are SO freakin busy
Stephanie: and she goes, there is no point in doing that because my insurance probably won't cover it
Stephanie: Medicaid not cover an ultrasound???
Dana: sounds like they were ready for the weekend and didn't want to bother with you.
Stephanie: and she is like, I will try to reschedule you for early next week and I said, no it will probably be another week and I've already waited a week because I requested this last week and no one listend to me
Stephanie: and she said, well let me check
Stephanie: she comes back with Wednesday at 1:30 and I said, that is too late in the afternono because I take my husband to work between 2:15-2:30 and that's too much of a rush, i cant' do that, it's gotta be earlier or late
Stephanie: r
Stephanie: and she goes...well Thursday at 2:45 and I said...NO my husband has to be at work at 3 and I said before and she goes...well that's why I said 1:30 and I said...again when you usually go to doctors appointments...do you get seen immediately?? No, you usually wait anywhere from 15-30 minutes
Stephanie: and she goes, well the next one is next Friday at 9...and I said...geez...isn't that exactly what I just told you before...another week
Stephanie: and she is like, he has a lot of patients, you aren't the only one he sees
Stephanie: I was like...yeah I know that, but he can't wait 20 minutes because of an emergency
Stephanie: but he sure as hell can make me wait longer then that when I go in for an appointment
Stephanie: and i said, schedule it...but you know what...I'm worried about this baby
Stephanie: after my doctor said to that me that their may not be enough amniotic fluid..and I've already waited a week after that and I've been stressed this week because of it
Dana: did you end up going to the ER?
Stephanie: no this just happened like 10 minutes ago, we just got home
Stephanie: I'm not sure what to do and I don't want to look stupid going into the ER
Dana: stupid me!! I forgot about the time difference
Dana: it's 6:15 here
Stephanie: lol
Stephanie: plus I can't drive much on the van because the spare is only good for 50 miles
Stephanie: and I've probably already put between 20-30 on it
Stephanie: and his family is gone for the weekend
Stephanie: there is no one here
Stephanie: so I don't know what to do
Dana: do you live far from the hospital?
Stephanie: about 15 minutes
Dana: is there a neighbor that could take you?
Stephanie: I don't know anyone here lol
Stephanie: neither does Omar
Stephanie: I've thought about taking the Explorer
Stephanie: they have an explorer, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to and I thought maybe Monique was going to come back today before she left and I was going to ask...but she isn't here
Dana: who's explorer is it?
Stephanie: cause we were told we could take the Expedition if we needed it, but they took that up to San Franscisco
Stephanie: It's his mom and dad's
Stephanie: I cannot believe this is happening...that was a brand new tire
Stephanie: and it was all of a sudden too

If I go to the ER, what do I say and how do I get an ultrasound so that I don't look like an idiot. All I want to do is make sure baby is okay. Is it so hard to ask for that??

Patiently waiting

2007-08-09T20:33:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I now now how you ALL felt when you met 37 weeks and were wondering...when in the world is this baby going to come? With Lizzy it was different, I didn't get to wait even to 36 weeks and now I'm two weeks past when I did with Lizzy and today I don't feel so bad. I was able to do the dishes, clean up the kitchen and take the trash out. Just walking up and down the steps are taking the wind out of me and Lizzy is so sweet, she takes my hand and goes...down...down and even tries to push me a little. ha ha!

Oh get this...the other day his mom and I were talking and she just randomly asks me..what else do you guys need for the baby that we can help you with? I think I got a little shock therapy because they never asked this with Lizzy. In fact, I don't think they got her anything when she was born if I remember right. And I have the bedside sleeper setup now and we are ready for her to go, I even have the hospital bag partially packed! hehe

So I was telling you about how bad the rotors were that they had holes in them and there was barely any metal left on them, here are the pictures:

When we went to have the new ones installed, they told us when they start to get holes in the rotors that they are badly worn and start to crack. It's the first sign they need to be replaced.

And a have a few of Lizzy that I took and told you guys about before:

playing with a slinky!!

caught her sleeping like this!!

Sleeping next to me the other day on the bed..she's so peaceful when sleeping!

Just now, she's getting so big!!!

the baby's bed, you should see it, the mobile lights up and everything!!

It's a Simplicity Four in one beside sleeper, so it will be really easy to reach over and get her for night time feedings!

OH and I was telling you about how we are all getting our pictures taken on sunday, this is the place that is doing it www.promotionalphotographers.com. They provide us with dresses and an outfit for Lizzy that we get to pick out...oh I'm so excited! You can click on the ones that they have by clicking samples, they are really neat! We are only getting one picture for the price we are paying, but I'm going to get it and scan it...then print out my own so that I can give it to others. I'm not paying the prices they give us, sorry. LOL It's 12 bucks for the one picture we are getting and a 5 dollar sitting fee. So it's a little expensive, but they are neat. :)

So I'll update tomorrow what happens at my appointment, it's at 3:30 tomorrow and it will be just me and Lizzy since Omar has to work. Hopefully the ultrasound goes well!

be careful what you say

2007-08-06T22:46:00.000-07:00

I have pictures to post on here, but I can't find my camera cord that hooks up into the laptop. I'm just kind of in a funk really, not to mention pain really.

It was funny, after I posted my entry last Thursday, the perinatal network called me and asked me if I had found a doctor or not. I told her I hadn't and she asked me why. I explained to her my situations and she said she would try to help me, so she started doing conference calling for different doctors. She ran into the same issues I was running into and she said, we will try one more time and see what happens. Well, she got on the phone and the lady said she wasn't sure if he would take me because I was so far along, but as long as I didn't have any complications she would go ask him. She told me she would call me back in 15 minutes and again verified that I didn't have anything and said she would schedule me an appointment for Friday (last Friday).

So we went and I guess he will be my doctor. He kept my due date the 27th of August, but they couldn't find my pap results (which I know were negative) and I kept telling him it was, but he wouldn't believe me. I don't know why it wasn't in my paperwork that they gave me, maybe it was and they just couldn't find it. But I asked for an ultrasound because of what my previous doctor had said the day before and he said he was able to tell the baby was head down and he didn't think it was necessary. He would do one this next Friday though and put it down on my chart that I would have one done. I still am worried about it, but I will find out shortly if that is what is going on, but I am full term now and I'm sitting and waiting for when she is ready to arrive.

Anyway, we had a really rough weekend with Omar's family. Everything had pretty much gone smoothly with only a few mishaps. It's still not all fine and dandy though, but things are better between Richard (his adopted dad) and I. On Saturday, we had planned to get the last few things for the baby (bassinet and clothes) and were on our way out to get them when Richard asked Omar if we were going to be coming back soon. He said yes and after he told Omar he wanted to talk to us both, he told me in english that he wanted to talk to me and Omar because he felt that what Omar was taking the things that he said and turning them around.

Well, I was really upset that he had put that upon us right before we were leaving and we were all worried about what this conversation was going to entail. After we got done and got something to eat, we came back. Richard took a few minutes to come in and talk and the first thing he asked me was what were our plans? I said, I am really not sure right now because we are just waiting for this baby to come and then we will see how things go. And he goes alright and he brings up the comment about the internet that Omar had asked him and about how Omar took his words that said something different and I said, Omar said the same thing that you did. And there was a conversation that him and Omar had when he was fixing the brakes on the Van, that he said to Omar (well Omar took it this way) that he said unless he gets his drivers license that he isn't going to help him anymore. His dad said he never said that and I said, well he probably took it that way by the way he said (because his dad has weird ways of explaining himself).

Then he goes on to say that since we don't have a plan right now and because we were fixing the van, going out to eat (there was one day that we brought dinner from taco bell and didn't make dinner there) that he was going to require that we give him 25 dollars a week and he would put it into an account for us. I said...NO WAY. And he goes, well then you will need to put 50 dollars into an account each week and show me you are saving it. I said, NO, I won't do that! He goes well you are living under my roof and what I say goes (as if I was some child) and I said...well then fine, I'm gone! You aren't going to butt into my business and try to tell me that I'm not already saving. Omar goes...you don't trust us that just because we fixed the brakes on the van, went out to eat once that we aren't saving...that's something you need to deal with.

Well, I'm not sure how all this got brought up but he says to me...well we all you know you hate this family and I said...where the heck does that come from? He goes, the day that you came here and threw a fit and walked out of here and I said, yeah because I told Nena NO three times to holding Elizabeth and then she had the gall to say to me, I have every right to hold her, I'm her grandma. He then goes on to tell me that I NEVER said no to Nena and Nena never said that to me...we went back and forth about what happened that day back in 2005 and he even tried to tell me that Omar wasn't sitting next to me on the couch when he was. Richard also said that Monique was here, which she wasn't. Omar tried to back me up and Richard says to him...well of course you are going to back her up! Well I started crying because I know what happened that day and who was where because I felt so cornered and Richard has the nerve to say, You have obviously made up a story in your head and made yourself believe it. I said NO, it's this family that does this. You guys always turn stuff around whenever I say it and I brought up the part with talking with Lulu and Elizabeth and he said, no that's not what happened (when I talked to him at Elizabeth's) and I got so mad because he kept calling me a liar that I said, that's it...I gotta leave!

I walked out of the living room in tears and waited for Omar to get Elizabeth and he said to Richard...this is exactly why we left to Missouri and grabbed Lizzy and out we went. I was so upset about what happened that when we were driving I was hyperventilating. Omar is like you need to calm down, I know you aren't lying about what happened I was there too. I finally got calmed down and we went to the Walgreens parking lot and talked. We did go in and walked around and then went to bk and got some bk joes (oh those are good by the way hehe). We didn't go back to the house until close to midnight and we went to get some blankets and stuff. When we went in they asked us where we are going and I said, it's none of your business where we are going, but we aren't staying here and Omar was talking to her in spanish and shaking his head. Well, we ended up talking outside the door (front of the house) until around 3 in the morning and one thing she said to me was I thought you had forgiven me for that day, I just wanted to hold her and I said, I have. Richard had made her think that I brought that up and I said, no he was the one that brought it up. And she said, well I think we all need to leave the past in the past...to which I said I agree. Well, she talked to us and we did end up staying and going back upstairs.

When we were in bed that morning/night I started having contractions--painful ones that were about 2-3 minutes apart and lasting sometimes a minute or close to one. I really thought she was going to come on his birthday and I just kept praying that she waited a little longer because she wouldn't be full term. She didn't end up coming and I was so glad, but now I'm in so much pain from my pelvic area, it hurts to get up, walk, stand, and getting up in the night to go potty is so horrible. I never had this pain with Lizzy and I feel so weak lol.

But as much as I want her to come this week, part of me doesn't want her to. On Sunday (part of my birthday present) we are getting our picture taken as a family...but one of those old fashion things! You know where you get to dress up in those old dresses and take pictures...I'm so excited! :)

Anyway, on Sunday he went to talk to his adopted dad about what happened and Richard apologized for butting into our private lives. He said he never meant to do that and I have to be honest with you...things between Richard and I have been better because I think he finally understood what happened that day. He for some reason just thought I threw a fit, but that was not the case. But I am still hurt by some things here, like I can't go into the other living room now or the bedroom upstairs but...it's not a big deal I guess. I was able to hook up our wireless for everyone and can get signal in our bedroom so there really isn't much need for me to leave the room unless I have to go potty or get something to eat or drink. lol His family though doesn't understand it, Omar just went down and talked to her...but I don't think she still gets it. She let's her kids control her and tell her how to run her house, but hey it's not my house and all I can do is hope that we won't be here much longer.

2007-08-02T12:32:00.001-07:00

Not sure what all to do, I went to my old doctor today and he told me he couldn't take me. I called and called practioners and no one would take me since I'm so far along, so either I have to go back to the jerk or wait until baby is born and just tell the hospital that I don't have a doctor because no one would take me.

Not only that, but according to my doctor he thinks the baby doesn't have enough amniotic fluid, good heartbeat and everything but he said because he couldn't tell the position that the baby was in that it was probably because of that...but I don't get it. Just kind of upset really...I cried because well for one, now I may have this situation and no way to be able to know for sure. I know ultrasounds aren't correct about weight and everything, but maybe that is why I haven't gained that much weight. Just scared really, do I choose to go back to this other doctor or just wait it out and pray for the best? I read that if this is the case, they would induce me and I don't want that anyway...so right now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.

I'm bad lol

2007-08-01T22:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my birthday and well, I just wanted to spend it with Omar and Lizzy and so I got to. It wasn't really that bad at all because Omar ended up not going to work and I got to spend it with him. hehe

If you remember in my last post about the brakes on the Van, well, the rotors needed to be replaced badly. I know how to do this but it was Omar's first time and we've been trying to get them fixed since that evening (Saturday) and he just couldn't get the caliper mount bolts loose. We tried everything except the last thing, a solid wrench that didn't move and a huge hammer and knocking the crap out of it. We finally gave up last night when the impact wrench over smoked (yes we did take that back lol) and we were talking to his adopted mom and dad about the situation. They recommended a mechanic that would help us do it and not charge an arm and a leg (we were told by another one for 70 to put them on...I felt that was too much...between 40-50 would be fine with me) and so, this morning we called this mechanic and got the rotors put on for 50 dollars.

Want to hear something funny though? Omar's adopted dad tried to tell Omar and I that the rotors were fine and didn't need to be replaced. I told his dad, there is barely any metal left on the rotor, the lines around it indicate that it's worn badly and it's falling apart. He's like, there is still a lot of life left in them...uh huh...sure, then why the hell are my brakes in the van not gripping properly and squeeling? Anyway, when we went to get them replaced, the mechanic said they were in terrible shape and that it was good thing we replaced them when we did or else the rotor would have started cracking...then it would have been really bad. There are a few things I do know about vehicles that I learned when I moved in with my dad and one of them is when brake pads and rotors are worn.

The reason why Omar stayed home yesterday because I told him he had to get the brakes done that day because the Van was no longer safe to drive. So, because of it, he called into work and told them the situation and got the day off. The day wasn't all perfect...there were some things that his adopted dad said to him and to me (me was in my birthday card) in which kind of irratated me and made me cry.

I have to be honest with you though...even though there are little things that bug me about his adopted mom, I'm really starting to like her. She was so sweet, she got me a nightgown for my birthday for the hospital and is getting me matching slippers with it too. hehe She was really sweet to me yesterday, it made me feel special....the one thing that irratated me though yesterday was, Richard (Omar's adopted dad) gave me a birthday card. I'm still not sure how all to take it, but this is what it said:

"May God bless you on your "b" day. May you learn to trust us not as your family but at least as Omar's family so that we can each learn to be a family.

I don't know how to take that and neither did Omar. I felt it was kind of a slap in the face and he felt it was as if saying....I needed to learn to trust them or else we would never be close. Trusting them is not an issue, it's telling me how to live that I have the issue with. Then his dad came up to him yesterday and told him if he wasn't going to get his drivers license then he wasn't going to help him find anymore jobs. First, why is it just because he doesn't have it that now he can't look for jobs without one? Second, Omar likes his job where he works and I told him...don't let anyone try to push you out of a job you like. 9.50 an hour as a temp is really good because I started out as a temp when I moved here at 10 bucks an hour. Omar was hurt by that, but I wish they would leave him alone. It hurts him so much when they do this to him, it really does.

On another note, I made it past 36 weeks! Today is 36 weeks, 3 days and I just want to at least make it until Monday and then let her come when she feels like it. I'm already getting contractions though and I believe she has dropped. I'm not sure if tomorrow I'm going to my appointment with my old doctor or the one I went to last week...I'm leaning towards my old doctor though and hoping all goes well since he will be on vacation. I guess I will find out shortly which one, but I know for a fact that I'm not 37 weeks yet.

Oh to answer everyone's question about the bone thing last week, he said that based upon the ultrasound the more white the bone was on the screen the stronger the bones are. And I guess her bones weren't as white as they should be...but isn't that because she is full formed?? Her skin isn't as a transparent as it would have been in earlier ultrasounds...so I don't know. But it still ticks me off that he wants to think I'm already full term when I know I'm not because of an ultrasound done at 35 weeks which they aren't accurate anyway!!!

Okay this is really long hehe, but I am off of here for now. That's really all that is going on but I have to go get Omar here shortly from work, then I am heading for bed!

Omar was suppose to be back...but he isn't!!

2007-07-28T14:47:00.001-07:00

K, that is a random title but today he was going to fix the brakes on the Van (they are slipping and not working properly, the van is not safe to drive) and minutes before he was going to come up and get dressed so we can leave, his adopted dad asks him to go with him to a job to help. He told Omar two hours max and they would be back...but it's been 2.5 hours and he still isn't here. I didn't want him to go, but then again, his dad has a bad knee and needed Omar's help...but what about us?? I was torn not only from that, but my birthday is Tuesday and I was hoping he would want to do something for us this weekend...he has last year to make up for, he totally forgot my birthday!

Anyway, I went to the doctor on Thursday...I'm not 100 percent sure I like this guy because he did an ultrasound on Izabella and this 50 year old ultrasound machine (yes, it was yellowed) he tried to tell me I'm due the 20th of August...no I'm not (not to mention he told me I needed more calcium because the baby's bones aren't hard enough...huh??? If only he knew how many nights I couldn't sleep because she wopped the crap out of me). I don't have regular 28 day periods and I am NOT going to be 37 weeks on Monday, why is it that doctors don't listen to me? Not only that, but ultrasounds at this stage of the game are not as accurate, so I don't get it. I'm sorry, I'm sticking to my due date because I know when this baby was conceived and it was in December NOT November...there would be no possible way. I did make an appointment with my old doctor and that one still stands for this coming Thursday...so I have to choose who I want. But my old doctor won't be here from August 8-28th because he is on vacation so it would be a doctor on call that would deliver the baby...so I gotta decide. I wanted a girl for some reason to deliver her, but they would not take me because they said I was too far along even when I explained the situation...I don't get it.

OH and get this, I get a letter in the mail from medi-cal saying that starting in August, we have a share of cost of 315 dollars a month...I about freaked out. I was like WHAT!! Omar makes about 1200 dollars after taxes, that would leave us with only 900 dollars a month for food, gas, anything for the kids...I was like...I don't think so!! But supposedly because we stay here with his family they tacked on another 200 dollars (as if we really get that!!!) to what he makes and say that we have to pay that. So now I have to fill out this additional paperwork and get that fixed...the guy told me I wouldn't pay anything...I better not, we sure don't have that to pay! Especially when we still have to get two more things on our list of things before she comes.

I did get her car seat in the mail yesterday...hoping to have it installed here today, but we will see. I need to get a place for her to sleep and then some clothes and I think I'm good to go...but will have to wait until next Friday when he gets paid. Hopefully it will all work out.

Well Lizzy fell asleep on the floor so I'm booking it upstairs to take a nap with her LOL.

I'm still here, I promise and baby is still baking. :)

2007-07-24T02:17:00.000-07:00

I am getting more and more horrible at updating this blog, I'm really sorry. We moved into his adopted mom's house last Sunday...it was a surprise that we had to move that day and it took all day to do it. We were so tired because by the time we got done, it was around three in the morning. Poor Omar, he had to go to work in the morning that day and was so tired. Things have actually been pretty good, I don't know why but his family loves having Lizzy here. There are a few things that bug me, but I'm learning to deal with it all I guess.

We did get the baby's car seat, it shipped today (YEAH!) and will be here on Friday. What's so amazing to me (and yet scary also) is the fact that I'm four days away from when I had Lizzy and I am just hoping to make it the next two weeks to full term. She's quite active right now, pushing and prodding me...and I just want to go to bed lol.

I finally got our medi-cal cards and now am in the process of finding a lovely doctor. I am going to do that tomorrow for both of us, hopefully I can take Lizzy back to her old doctor...not for sure yet on that one. I'll have to update on that part later.

I'm stuck with a little cold, it's getting better but it's having me not have much energy. I got it last Thursday, I always seem to get sick when I'm around his family--not to mention when I'm pregnant.

They are loving having Lizzy here and while I'm glad on that, they want and think her name is Marie. This is because Omar calls her Marie sometimes (her middle name) and it's gotten to the point where she is actually getting confused on which name is hers. I told Omar for right now to call her Elizabeth because of this, but his family is still calling her Marie and I'm not sure how to get it across to please call her Elizabeth at this time (it's not my place right now anyway..Omar should). Another issue is the spanish speaking thing, which is totally great! BUT, now instead of Lizzy talking like she is suppose to...she makes this mumble jumbo noise acting like that is what they are sounding and it's replacing the fact of english words. She still says no and mamma and dadda...but other ones she is loosing. Does anyone know if this is normal?? Should I be worried?? When you ask her a question instead of answering it, she will go into some jumble words and while his family thinks it's great..I'm getting worried. It started out small and now it's almost taking the place of her everyday words.

Another thing is, because of being here she thinks she can get away with anything and I'm having trouble discipling her when needed. His family thinks we are too hard on her when she does something wrong or if she starts crying because we yell at her, they come over oh..why is she crying and such and such. I really don't know what all to do about that, but these are really the only issues. His family has been great otherwise, but I guess only time will tell. Anyone have any suggestions on this because I just want to keep it peaceful and nice like it is now and not ruin anything...especially since we are staying here.

K, well little one is finally settled down so I'm gonna head to bed. We had a scare last week that Omar was going to loose his job. He was off for two days because the company said that their wasn't enough work but they called him back on Friday saying they wanted him back today, so he is back to work. That's why I'm still up at this ungodly hour...hehe. I'll post some pictures of Lizzy sometime this week, maybe tomorrow. I have a really cute one of her playing with a slinky! :)

shouldn't something go right for once?

2007-07-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

It didn't start out that way this morning, but it did end up that way. I have a great case worker at the Family Services here in Chula Vista where I applied for my medicaid (medi-cal here). It was a long night because Omar and I were up talking until three and well, I got up at six for my appointment at seven and just let him and Lizzy sleep and went on my way. When I got there for my appointment I still had to wait about 20 minutes and finally got called in. When I explained the situation he said okay and then asked me if both Omar and I were working. I said, he is and asked me for verification. Well, he started on Tuesday so I have no way to verify and he starts to give me this paper for verification (which I can't get up to the place until next week...money is very tight until he gets paid next Friday) and tried to explain this to him. Well he goes on to tell me that he can call and verify and I gave him all the information...but he said I would probably still need to go up there (oh great...so now I have an incomplete application and more delay).

Since I wasn't working, he said it was a requirement that I file for unemployment. I told him, this is nuts! They are going to look at me like I'm crazy, I haven't lived here for a year and a half and I'm filing a claim with them? They are going to deny me and not only that, but tell me to go back to Missouri. He said, I know you will get denied, but it's a requirement (Okay that is NUTS). I finally was getting really mad because here I waited two weeks when this could have been done the day I came in and started venting to him. I was like..look..I'm due next month and because of your system, when I first came in here no one cared to look at my application. They just slapped a time and date on it and said to come back in, even when I mentioned to the lady I was due in August she got snooty with me and said...and you are just now applying...hello, we just moved here from Missouri and I got to transfer my medicaid from there to here. I said, there isn't any reason for me to have to come back and do this, I could have found this all out at that time, not two weeks later to only delay my application more! He said, I understand that, but I need to get this to approve it. I started crying because I knew by the time this was done, I was going to be screwed (I found out the presumptive eligibility card doesn't really do anything, it wouldn't even cover me if I went into labor). He was like, I am here to help you and I agree that you shouldn't have to of come back in here to do this, in fact the new system is why that is. The people that do the scheduling know nothing about this and that's why it's done that way. I said, but why? That's kind of crazy. And he goes, it's a new system and I am going to work hard to get this done for you because I see you are due next month and I understand your frustration, but you have to work with me. So, I did and asked him at the end of the interview when I would hear something...he goes probably 1-2 weeks...I would be 36 weeks by then...I went to the car and started crying. I felt we were totally screwed.

When I got home, I started telling Omar what happened and he was like, oh and then I tried to file an unemployment claim. I couldn't do it online because well, I worked out of state and they would need additional information from me. Well, everytime I called (all three times) I got hung up on!! I could not reach someone no matter what I did. I tried for over three hours and each time this happened and finally had enough. I went online and filed a claim as if I had never left and even put on the claim that I was just doing this because it was a requirement for Medi-cal and I knew I would get disqualified. So there, that was done. I called him back to let him know that I had done that and he said, good news....I got your application approved. I told you not to worry and got a hold of his work for the employment verification. He said I should get the paperwork and stuff in the mail in the next few days. I'm approved so if something does happen, things will be paid for.

I'd never had a caseworker that did that for me, actually cared for what happened (not even in Missouri) and I'm glad he is mine. He even wanted me to apply for food stamps here, but I told him we still have them from Missouri and if things are still bad then, then I will apply here when the time comes. Believe it or not, but he was surprised we were able to use them here, but I said it's on the website because it's a national program that is actually paid by the federal government unlike Medicaid. There are only two states in which you can't use your food stamps unless you go to a national grocery chain (like walmart) that will do it manually.

Other then that, I was just very emotional today and relieved. I'm glad that is overwith...just waiting on the paperwork. One more week and things will be a little bit easier on us and Omar seems to really like his job, even his boss. The only thing that worries me is he might loose his job if he leaves if I go into labor...but there has to be something to protect him right? I guess I'll have to look that up.

My little lizzy is so cute though, I was telling a friend of how if she finds Omar and I being too loud or not going to sleep (after we told her to) she will jump up and yell at us...go NIGHT NIGHT! LOL It's quite funny actually! And her new thing is, when she is by me and I'm on the laptop she goes...that you (cause I always tell her that that's her on my computer). She's being fussy right now cause it's late, but I have to go get Omar in about 30 minutes or so.

Omar found this calculator at work and gave it to Lizzy...guess what she does with it...she acts like she is on a computer typing like me LOL. She even puts her hands up like I do on my laptop and starts pounding away..now if only I could get her away from MY laptop...hmmm...hehe Also her new thing is, she loves to play with the diaper bag. When she found out I had toys in there for her, she went and grabbed it and plays around with it. She knows how to unzip it and get everything out...I need to remove important stuff so she doesn't make me loose it. hehe

Anyway, I am off, I feel better now that I have written this. Ill get a video of her playing with the calculator on here, it is very cute! :)

33 weeks and counting...how far can I go??

2007-07-10T19:51:00.000-07:00

I've made it to 33 weeks and counting. Two more weeks and I'll be right when I had Lizzy and I even though I'm bruised from the inside, get up every two hours to pee because this baby lays on my bladder, being kicked, punched, can't sleep, back hurts, etc...I told him she better stay in there as long as she can. My only fear though, with me having the heart palpatations (which I go to the doctor on Thursday) is my blood pressure will be up...fine give me blood pressure medicine, I'm not surprised it's up, it's sure been a very stressful year and a half.

Omar finally found a job, he works in Otay Mesa (close to the mexico border) and makes around 9.50 an hour. He is a temp and thus, if he does get hired, he will make more once that happens. I'm guessing 90 days? He didn't ask her, but he can call tomorrow. He's working overtime for today and won't get off until 2 a.m. (normal shift is from 3-11) and so...I'm lonely. Even though the last two weeks and a half of him not working were stressful, it's weird not having him here. We had planned to watch a movie, but now we can't. At least he gets the weekends off and worrying about money will go away for a little bit.

We move into his mom and dad's on Monday sometime...not sure when. It will be a tinier room, much much tiner then here and I told Omar...we can't stay in that room with me, him, Lizzy and a newborn...there is no way. I don't know what to do about that, but at least he agrees with me that the room is too small for all of us.

Lizzy was a peach today when I put her down for a nap. It was the first time I let her just stay in here by herself to take one and within a half hour...she had gotten her cozy coupe out and was playing with it and had the tv on. When I came in, she knew she was in trouble and ran to her bed LOL. She's quite the peach for bedtime too, she knows just how to push the buttons.

But she wasn't feeling well today. When we went to go take Omar's drug test, she got sick in the car. I felt so bad for her and I hope now that she is getting a lot of sleep (she needs it) that she will feel better soon. With Omar being here, she doesn't really get a lot of rest.

For some reason I can't put a title on here...lol, it won't let me. hehe I just posted it and edited it...that's how I got my title...hehe

Missing home/family

2007-07-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the 4th of July and his family was having a get together. I really didn't feel like going though, and told him if he wanted to go he could. I've just seen his family almost every day this week and just wanted to relax a little bit without them. When I explained to Omar that I'm having a hard time right now with missing my grandma and aunt, he felt bad and said he wasn't going to go either unless I did. I felt bad for that, but then again I'm finding if I'm around too many people it causing me to have a panic attack...yes, very weird.

We did go to see some fireworks, we went on our way to go to national city and saw some shooting off and followed them, pulled over and watched them from the side (jist not being apart of crowds) and actually enjoyed it. It was quite short lived here, they only lasted about 15 minutes from the time we saw them, but I sure got some pictures! Some of them turned out a lot better then I thought they would with us being as far as we were, but we still got a good shot of them. Lizzy LOVED them, she was saying WOW everytime she saw one shooting up in the sky. hehe

Omar took this really cute picture of her today, I absolutely love it. She's getting so big and at first I thought maybe she wasn't being so cuddly anymore, but I was wrong. She cuddled with me this afternoon (that's me on the side of the picture) and took a nap with me. awww

And here are the firework pictures, enjoy!

Lizzy's present came!!

2007-07-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

YES, after almost two weeks of waiting, I saw on the ups site that it was out for delivery today! Believe it or not, it JUST came about an hour ago...at about 7 p.m.!!! I was quite shocked, I waited and waited all day for this sucker so she could play with it, but tomorrow is the fourth...so hehe.

I have some lovely pictures to post...fun ones of us putting it together. I was hoping it would come when they weren't home so they wouldn't be so nosey, I didn't pay a dime for it anyway, I had an amazon gift certificate and used it on Lizzy instead. It's none of their business anyway! LOL

Enjoy the pictures...Oh and I have my first doc appointment here next Thursday. My doctor that delivered Lizzy (how odd hehe) is going to give me a Presumptive Eligibility Card and well I may not need it because that same day is my appointment for Medi-Cal and hopefully they will approve us then, if not the lady (I called another place that told me about him, and we did a conference call because they usually do the PEC before 24 weeks said it wouldn't be a problem). I'll keep you all updated. :)

Look at that box!!

Cozy coupe just out of the box.

look at all that stuff we have to put together!

oooo..it comes with a cell phone

pretty stickers!

almost done...hurry up mommy and daddy!

WEEE!! Strollin in the cozy coupe!

If I hold onto the sides, I can turn hehe

Looking cute in the princess cozy coupe!

I think she loves it, it comes with a cell phone that lights up and makes noises and has a little holder in the coupe for it. It's quite cute and I'm so glad that it finally came!! :)

Lizzy's birthday :) (WARNING...lots of pictures!)

2007-07-01T14:02:00.000-07:00

Her birthday was actually last Saturday but in my strangeness, I wanted it to be just the three of us. Elizabeth (the wife of the people we are staying with) recommended that we throw her a birthday party this past Saturday and I agreed, though under different terms of course.

When Lizzy's birthday came, Omar was working for Labor Finders at the time and wasn't going to get off until around four and after that I opened up her cake and celebrated. We just rested and played together, just the three of us, it really was nice.

So yesterday we didn't think we were going to have the birthday party at all and then Omar and I decided to go ahead and just go over there for a swim. He called Nena (his adopted mom) and told her that we were going to go over there to just do a little celebration with them and I think they were happy to hear that. On our way there, Omar wanted to pick up some stuff to cook on the grill and get something else to snack on. We were originally told we would not have to buy anything (by Elizabeth) but this is another story in itself. I didn't want a lot of people there anyway, a lot of his family is very two faced and will go behind your back and try to make you look bad. So the people that were there for the party were Omar, me, Lizzy, Lily and Nicole (her cousins), nena and richard (aunt and uncle or adopted grandma and grandpa). Elizabeth, Monique, Gina and Raouel showed up lot of time later lol.

Thank goodness we did get food for the party that we did have because we were not expecting this many people. I did have a lot of fun and so did Elizabeth. She's so brave and just wants to swim on her own and she's quite our little talker. I have not received her birthday present (I ordered it online) but I should this week in which I'll post pictures and show it all to you then. :) I am sure she is going to love it, she had one in Missouri but it was used and this one is just for her and includes a little cell phone that talks. hehe

So now I will leave you with some pictures to enjoy, there really are a lot of them and I'll point out his family in the pictures, but just to let everyone know...everything is fine for right now. I'm trying to get my medi-cal fixed here, I just need to find a doctor that can give me a presumptive eligibility card and I'll be okay. :)

These are the ones on her actual birthday with just Omar and I.

These are the ones from her birthday party yesterday.

doesn't she look so cute?

Nena (Omar's adopted mom) drying her off

Lizzy playing with Sharpie, the dog

Eating lunch with Lily and Nicole (her cousins)

The pool (yes, this is his adopted mom and dad's house lol)

Nicole, Lily and Lizzy eating lunch

Lizzy looking for Sharpie the dog

Lizzy running after Sharpie (or is Sharpie running after Lizzy lol)

getting ready to pet Sharpie

getting into the jacuzzi with daddy!

running around the yard

Splashing daddy!

Her second birthday cake

From left to right (Nicole, Gina, Monique, Lizzy and Omar)

Nena, Lily, Nicole, gina and everyone else waiting to sing happy birthday

Opening presents

Nena showing what Lizzy received

nena, richard and Lizzy (I really do like this picture. :) )

Overall, I really did enjoy the party and I'm glad we went. It was one REALLY long day. But, in the end I know it was worth it. :)

Just an update

2007-06-29T09:30:00.000-07:00

When I first got down here, I really didn't know how everything was going to work out. I was kind of upset with Omar for pretty much making the decision to come back down here, I wanted to see if there was something else we could do but I guess in his mind there really wasn't. There were some unresolved issues with his family that I just wanted to leave it that way.

We will be staying here until the 16th and then moving in with his adopted parents. Still, I don't know how that is all going to work, but maybe in a way for the best?? I was very upset with Elizabeth and Ricky (the people that we are staying with) because they didn't even have the common decency to tell us we had to leave on that date, we've been helping out with food, chores and anything else we can here and well...after what happened on Thursday I was very mad. We bought a cake for Lizzy's birthday and I told them they could have a piece of it once it was cut last Saturday. Well, we went in there on Thursday to get a piece and all of it was gone...so Omar, Lizzy and I (with lizzy sharing our pieces) only got two pieces. Not only that but we have been footing the bill for milk, food and toilet paper for everyone...and I just can't afford that.

So, maybe it's for the best that we move out on the 16th, plus Ricky really is a jerk. I don't like him at all. I thought at first he was just stand offish by being shy, but I was very wrong. The most recent happening is he was gone for two days on a trip and to celebrate his return, we rented Bridge to Terabitha for all of us to watch. When Elizabeth got home, we asked her to let us know when they we ready to watch it...they never came to watch it, so on Friday (they always go out on a date on Friday) we went into the living room to watch the movie. Well Ricky came back in to get something and I swear, when he came in he had a mad look on his face (though Omar says different). Well they came back after the movie had been going for a little bit and Elizabeth came in to go watch the movie with us and Ricky stayed in the other room (he never comes to socialize with us). So, on Saturday night Omar came in here and he goes...guess what, they rented bridge to Terabitha (we still have the movie) and he got really mad.

There was another issue with his Aunt Lulu when she called over here asking for Omar one day and I stupidly answered the phone to let her know that Omar was at work. Well, when she asked how Omar got to work I said I took him and she goes...no no no...he needs to get a drivers license. I said back to her, please don't start with this, neither him nor I need to hear this right now (not like it matters right now anyway, we are a one car family...it really wouldn't do any good!). Well she starts telling me well some kids need to be pushed and I said, Omar is 30 years old and doesn't need people pushing him and asked me who is pushing him to get one. I said, me, my family, his family like nena and richard (yes they tell him this ALL the time). Well, she took the things around, called Nena and Richard and said that I told her that ever since we have gotten her that only Nena and richard have been pushing him...umm...no...you took my words and turned them around to fit what you wanted. Thank goodness that Richard told me she called (which I had already figured) and told her to stop. I will when we go over there tell him everything that was ACTUALLY said and all the past items. His family has a horrible way of doing these things.

The other thing was with Labor Finders here in California. Omar got a job with them for a few days and when he went the week before last to his job at the construction site, they put everyone on one ticket, which Omar requested to please be put on his own. Well, here comes Monday when he was suppose to get paid, we go show up there and he can't get paid until the guys come back with the ticket and that means ALL of them. We waited for an hour and a half for them to show up and to lead up to what happened...after waiting for an hour he went back in and asked the lady if she could please call and verify his hours and she told him she didn't have the authority to do that nor did she need to bother the boss. Well, he said then I need you to put me on my own ticket, I've ask this before but I can't sit here and wait for these guys every day. Well I guess she thought he was getting snooty with her and she told him to stop yelling at him and telling her what to do and he goes I'm not, I am just telling you I've waited her for an hour and you guys owe me money for three days. Well the guys showed up an hour later and she told him that she didn't have the authority to print repeat tickets and he would have to ask the guy in the morning...which was fine.

So we get up early on Tuesday morning to go get his ticket, he shows up and guess what...the guy is not there, it's the SAME lady and she tells him that his ticket was given to someone else because he didn't show up at 5:30 in the morning. Told him he was welcome to wait around for another job to come available but he had to be there early in the morning to get his ticket or they give it away.

I know this isn't the case, he had a repeat ticket...not only that but the other guys don't show up until after six...so he got the (what we thought at the time) managers phone number and he went to the work site and explained the situation. Omar talked to the manager and he told him to show up the next morning and he would fix everything.

We get up at 5 on Wednesday and get there just a little bit before 5:30...wait until the other guys show up (which they didn't show up until 6:30!!...but HE has to be there at 5:30???) and he goes to get his ticket. When he is getting his ticket he is told that he can't work because the lady locked him out of the system and said he was rude to her on Monday and the only way he could return back to work is if he apologizes to her (okay...she's a manger and acting like a three year old??...locking someone out of a system just because you get into a tiff with them??). I got the main corporate office number and have yet to hear back from them and I'm not sure who to go to to at least tell the story to. This is insane, I've never heard of this, but someone needs to tell her how to be a manager. You don't lock someone out of a system just because you disagree with them, not only that but on Tuesday he could have a job but on Wednesday (after she knew he had talked to the other guy) he was now locked out?? How odd....

Other then that...not really much going on. We hope things work out soon especially with him finding a good job. I'm hoping...really hoping.

We have made it to Cali

2007-06-17T13:48:00.000-07:00

We actually made it here on Thursday but I just haven't really felt like posting really. It took us about three days to get down here and the three days seemed to drag on forever. I've never wanted to get done with a drive like that ever before and I became quite biatchy during the drive. I hate acting like that, but I was so agitated because this baby wouldn't stop moving, punching (and it hurt too) and then on Wednesday I started having contractions, ones that would wake me up while I was sleeping.

When we got here, we found out we were staying with his cousins Ricky and Elizabeth and not his adopted mom and dad. Which we were okay with. The only thing is, I'm finding a hard time finding a place down here that we can afford and even trying to just find a nice big room but when I mention a toddler, I never hear back from the person or they tell me, sorry no.

I don't know really what to do, it's a rough situation and I don't think it's going to get any easier. I've thought about trying to apply for section 8 for assistance, but how the heck do you do that? I can't find any information online about it or how to apply. Has anyone ever gotten a section 8 voucher and can tell me where I should go?

Another thing is, my migraines have come back. I've had one since yesterday and this one is getting stronger as the day goes along. The bed we have here his horrible and my back hurts. LOL But the weather is nice! lol

The drive was good I guess, in a way, we don't have air conditioning in the van and through Arizona and California (the desert) the overhead temp said 115 (that's the highest we clocked it) and this was probably the worst of our drive. We drove like that for about a good 3 hours, splashing water on ourselves to cool down and once we passed the mountains, the temp went down 20 degrees. The van did just fine, we didn't do too bad on gas mileage either, roughly about 25 miles per gallon. Gas here is about 3.19 a gallon with some places being 3.03. We did see gas along the way up here being 3.59 or so...which we just kept driving trying to find a cheaper station lol. Texas I would have to say was the worst, which is so odd because when we used to drive from California to Missouri Texas was the cheapest there was. In Missouri when we left it was 2.79, so there is still a big difference between many of the states.

Anyway, I am getting off of here to relax a little bit longer. We are job hunting and looking for places and honestly...I just want to be settled and know that we will be okay. I wish I didn't have to worry about money--it really does suck!

2007-06-11T21:07:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, but we are still here. We needed an extra day to clean up the apartment and we are all packed and that's really all that is left. Just cleaning the bathroom and we are all set. His family isn't ready for us anyway until Thursday so this gives us a little extra time to get things done until then and head down there.

I have to admit...I am not looking forward to the drive. He's excited to be going back home, I'm excited, nervous, anxious, scared, a lot of emotions really. We will all see how things go, and then work from there.

I will keep you all updated...we ship out of here around 6-7 in the morning tomorrow, bright and early. We are going to stop by the store and grab snacks, foods, drinks, etc so that we don't have to pay an arm and a leg for them at fast food places (not to mention that right now any fast food just sounds ECK).

But I am off, when I write again...I will be out of Missouri. Weird...three years ago I moved down there by myself and now I'm going back again with a family.

I said my good-byes to my grandma

2007-06-09T20:33:00.000-07:00

I got to see my grandma today before we left, I talked to her on Thursday and she wanted us to meet for lunch in Wentzville. I am really going to miss her, there are a few people in my family that I really love (whom I usually talk about more on here) and I just wished that we lived closer to them. My grandma and Aunt Marianne are the two and then my grandma on my mom's side. Those are the three in my family that I am closest to.

We met her around one at the Walmart there and then headed over to the St. Louis bread company. She surprised me by telling me that she had a birthday gift for Lizzy (I didn't think they would remember her birthday!) and when we got in, ordered our food, I got the package out and noticed that on one of the boxes it said, Izabella. She started laughing and goes...I got something for Izabella so she wouldn't feel jealous! hehe

I have pictures--I would have had more but my camera died and I got it working again--but any pictures that I took after that, it ate them...it was as if they didn't exist! So, here are the pictures that I did get of little Lizzy opening her gift from my grandma. :)

My grandma got her three outfits for summer (which she needed) and then some money to go buy something at the store. :) She got a little outfit for Izabella and I just thought it was so cute how she said she got it so she wouldn't be jealous.

Omar will work his last day tomorrow for this guy and then on Monday morning we make our way out of Missouri. I will be sad to see part of it go, but after something that happened on Friday (I won't name this person) I was a little surprised and well..it just made me want to leave here even faster. It will come, so I won't push it. It just made me realize how petty some people are, but I have the people I love and my friends, that is all that matters right now. We have made it through everything else and we will make it through this--just as many people before us have.

A tiny update from earlier post

2007-06-08T07:49:00.000-07:00

I got kind of curious on my doctors records and went to check them out, and as I was going through them...I have not gained as much weight as I had thought. Originally I thought I was up to 5 pounds or so...not even!! With the weight lost this past month from my original weight--I've only gained one pound. No wonder the nurse was surprised!! She was more concerned then he was, but usually she had always been that way.

I don't know if you guys remember my concern regarding the AFP/Triple screen test. I am against the genetic testing and just believe that God will provide us with a healthy and happy baby (and if not, we will deal with that), well during my first appointment he never asked me if I wanted to take the AFP test. When I went in for the blood work, I remembered the lady telling me one of the viles was for testing for Downs Syndrome. Now my first appointment went so fast that I just didn't think of it at the time and it wasn't until a few days later that I started thinking...did they give me the test without asking for my consent (I remember them asking with Lizzy and giving us the weekend to think about it)? When we went back to the next appointment, I had asked the nurse to please NOT give us the results whether or not they were good or bad (I didn't want to know either way) and she said (as she was looking over my chart) that this specific test was NOT on there...well guess what...she lied. It was very blatent when I was going through my chart...in bold black letters AFP results! I guess the good news is--everything was negative.

I get to see my friend tonight that I haven't seen in six years! They are driving up this way and will be stopping (we are on their way up here) and it will just be so nice to see her. Then on Saturday I get to go eat lunch with my grandma and say good-bye to her. :) It will probably be just me and Lizzy as Omar will be working (probably) for this guy this weekend.

OH, get this! Omar is working for this guy today, making 15 dollars an hour! He is doing landscaping and construction--not bad really!! He was SO excited when he called me to tell me how much he was going to pay him, that's more then I have ever made!! hehe

Anyway, I gotta get off of here and take a little nap with Lizzy. Then we are going to be running around for awhile and then picking up Omar. There are still a few things left to do here (like I do need to pick up the bathroom and kitchen stuff) and we'll be almost ready to go. I can't believe we will be gone in three days, this week has gone by so fast. I really will miss everyone and I thank you guys for all your lovely comments during this time. There are some of you that I haven't personally responded to, but I will and I will keep my blog updated. :) It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside knowing that there are people who do care.

I've lost weight??

2007-06-07T09:39:00.000-07:00

That's what the nurse told me today when she weighed me, only two pounds but she asked me if I was swollen last time and I said, no not really. I've never lost weight in my pregnancy before--in fact with Lizzy I gained and gained. Maybe from the heat I'm not that hungry and thus maybe I need to eat more?? But I asked the doctor about it and he said, don't worry about it. It's okay because it happens all the time and baby is looking good and you are measuring fine.

I'm measuring 31 weeks, but that's not bad really. I always measured about 2 weeks ahead with Lizzy also and I got all my records so that I can take them with me to California. I'm gonna need them anyway to prove that I'm pregnant over there, so crazy...obviously if you aren't pregnant they are going to find out. I guess that's there for a reason though, people probably tried to say they were and they weren't.

I was telling Omar last night--it's really weird how things are working out RIGHT as we are leaving for California. The guy Monte that Omar worked for this past weekend (and made some good money) finally called him to work on the weekend. Pays him 10 bucks an hour and works from 8-10 hours a day. Then, I went online to try to find two used tires for the Van (there is one that is kind of bald but still has traction on it...but it's bad) and was going to have wal-mart mount and balance them (which I'm still going to do in California) but there was this guy that had tires for 10 bucks each and when we got there....they were already mounted and balanced!! Now our Van has fancy rims, so we will have to have those put on there, but these tires were barely used! They still had the little pokey things on them from brand new tires (except for two of them--in which we put those on the back). Three of them were matching and then one was a goodyear tire...we got all this for 40 dollars!!! The treadware is about 90-95 percent left on them!! I was so worried about the tires and driving out there that I wanted to sell the van, but now I don't want to! :)

Everthing is almost packed, well really it is except for clothes and then we have to take down Lizzy's crib. Other then that--we are ready to go. We will pack the Van up on Sunday night and probably make our way out of here before 7 or 8 on Monday morning. And...Missouri will be no more. Maybe God wants us to go back to California...I don't know why or how, but maybe there is something better out there for us that I don't know. I gotta put my faith in him and just hope that what Omar is wanting to do is the right thing. He has our best interest in heart and I love him for that.

on to some lighter news :)

2007-06-06T09:53:00.000-07:00

I REALLY want to post some pictures of Lizzy in the bathtub...I really do, lol, but for some reason about the time I hit 20 weeks with this pregnancy I became very protective of her and this little one. I never was like this with my pregnancy on her and she would probably kill me when she got older knowing that everyone saw her little tushy. ;) LOL

So I have cropped the imagine and no tushies will show in the picture.. hehe. These were taken by hubby, she so loves the bath--and will stay in there for quite some time. We had a little bought of her not liking showers and baths a few months ago but it seems to really have gone away.

I can't believe I'm in the third trimester with this new little one. She's so active though and strong that a lot of times I have trouble getting to sleep. Once I get there, I am usually okay and don't have trouble if I wake up in the middle of the night but her favorite thing to do is poke me if I lean forward and kind of squash her a little bit lol.

It's amazing that in a few days we will no longer be here in Missouri. I've got lots of mixed emotions on that, but even hubby is saying that he wishes there was a way we didn't have to stay with his adopted parents. Oh yes...I am not looking forward to that part---I told him I will try not to stay there too much when we are there lol.

I felt so bad for Lizzy when I went back to work, she had a really hard time with it. I didn't go back to the mail room yesterday--I headed on my way out and I just couldn't. I didn't even call Kelly--I just spent the day with Lizzy and Omar. Not that big of deal anyway, it was only for five hours so I don't feel like I lost anything. She wouldn't even let me leave the room when I would get home without her crying and the other night had a huge fit because she couldn't sleep next to me on the "big" bed.

I'm sure also the fact that we are moving doesn't help the fact, so I just explained to Omar my reasons for not going. Besides, I would call her from work during my 45 minute lunch break and just listen to her on the phone anyway LOL. She would walk around talking to me on the phone and I loved every minute of it...and speaking of phone--she LOVES that also. I even caught her the other day sleeping with the phone (I used to use it for work) that I told her to leave alone--when I put her to bed she got back up and got it, then when I went to check on her I saw this:

HA HA, she is so funny! Alrighty, it's lunch time, so I'm off of here!

Almost empty--and a little history

2007-06-04T23:34:00.000-07:00

This is what our apartment looks like--it's no longer a home, it's a dwelling in which to stay until we leave. Our official day to move out is on the 11th, which we are not sure if we will move out on Monday morning or Sunday night. We will for sure pack things up on Sunday night, we have a very nosey neighbor here that has been watching us like a hawk the last few weeks and well, we aren't really telling a lot of people where we are going right now. It's kind of a hush hush thing--for more then one reason really. We don't have a forwarding address--we just don't have another place that is perminant, we aren't quite sure how long we will be at his parents and well--we don't want this nosey neighbor to ask us too many questions of what is going on.

I will tell our neighbor downstairs that we are leaving and I have told my family, in fact I'm probably going to meet up with Marianne (my aunt) on Wednesday at the zoo to say good-bye to her. I am getting a little excited about going back, but still very scared at the same time. You have to understand that his family and I don't get a long very well since an incident with Lizzy happened (among a few other things) and his adopted mom still to this day thinks she never did anything wrong. I don't take lightly to people telling me how to live--and this majorly includes how to raise my children. And so here is the story:

Since we found out we were pregnant with Lizzy, his family was very happy but upset at the same time. They weren't included in a lot of things, and one of them was stuff that pertained to the pregnancy. I was considered high risk with Lizzy but I always told Omar to please not tell his family--I felt it was none of their business. Well, about the time I was 7-8 months pregnant, his family came over (adopted mom and dad) and I was talking to her about me going back to work and how I wanted to get a nanny for Lizzy. Immediately she chimes in and says...no no...we can't do that for her--that's not safe. I kind of piped up and said..we?? I hate to tell you this Nena, but you don't have any say in that. And she goes on to tell me about how strangers would hurt her...we needed to keep her in the family (insinuating that she would get to watch Lizzy when I went back to work). I let this go and just never spoke of our thoughts in front of her.

Fast forward to when Lizzy was about 4-5 months old. Omar had spoken to his adopted mom and she wanted to see Lizzy and so we made plans to go over there one weekend and let the family see her. Unfortunately, when we got there, Lizzy was so fussy from being tired and not taking a nap--not to mention hungry--that when we got there, I just explained to everyone to please let her take a nap first and she would be okay (I had brought a place for her to sleep). Well, we were sitting on the couch and his adopted mom comes around to the front and starts talking to Lizzy and motions to me to give her Lizzy and said, "Let me hold her." I told her, I'm sorry..she needs to eat and then lay down for a nap. She doesn't listen to me and goes, no let me hold her. I look at Omar with eyes, pleading to him (without speaking) to please help me--back me up or something!! When he didn't, I repeated--no, Elizabeth needs to eat and then go down for a nap. She demands again--let me hold her. Then I gave Omar a big ugly look and finally gave in. As she is walking back around the couch she has the nerve to say, "I'm her Grandma and I have EVERY right to hold her."

It was that very comment and the fact she wouldn't listen to me when I was telling her no that blew me over the edge. I don't know if it was the fact that I was also tired, hungry, and totally emotionally charged still from birth but I took one look at my husband in disgust (yes, Omar lol) and turned toward Nena and said, "Give me back my child." Believe it or not...she refused and kept walking away from me. I'm seriously boiling at this point and I said in an even meaner voice--give me back my child NOW! She still said no, she tells me to calm down and go sit back down. That was it--I grabbed my stuff and walked up to her and said, give me back Elizabeth! t this point she had no choice, I had cornered her and she gave me back Lizzy. I told Omar that I didn't care if he came with me or not, but I was leaving and not going to stay there if that is how I was going to be treated.

He did walk out with me and his adopted mom had the nerve to say to me--it was good to see you!! It was like a slap in the face!! This woman had WAY overstepped her boundaries and I left and didn't look back.

Fast forward a few months, things had calmed down a little but his adopted dad seemed to think it was all my fault on what happened and since then never liked me. His family always showed up unannounced to our house even though I had asked them nicely to please have the common courtesy to call ahead of time. Well, on New Years eve of 2005 a few people of his family showed up at our door--just moments before we were to put Lizzy down for a nap. When Omar opened the door he explained to them that she was about ready to go down for a nap and they kind of just made their way into the apartment...so I told them, I will let you hold her but if she starts crying in anyway, I will take her back and lay her down. I bring Lizzy over and hand her to his aunt Raquel and just moments of being in her arms Lizzy started crying. I waited a few seconds for them to give her to me and when I saw that they were not (even though I had specifically specified before) I said, she needs to go down for a nap--she's just really tired and I stepped forward to grab Elizabeth. This is when Raquel twisted around to have her back to me so I could not take Elizabeth. I immediately looked at Omar--saying with my eyes--HELP ME! We had had conversations before because of what happened and thus he told his aunt Raquel to hand Lizzy back over so that we could put her down for a nap, and thus I got Lizzy back. Not soon after they were on their way....and fast forward to new years...

Omar gets a call from his adopted mom about what had happened the day earlier. According to what his aunt Raquel said, I would not allow her to hold Elizabeth and seemed to be controlling Omar. She told Omar that ever since he had been with me he had changed (yes he had, he had the gall now to stand up to her instead of letting her walk all over him) and they didn't like his change. They informed him that I was no longer welcome in their home (of course him and Lizzy were) and that he had to choose between me or them. I think you know which one he chose. It's been a rocky road since then and I couldn't believe that they asked him to choose. While I may not like his family--I would never ask him to do that. It's wrong..just plain wrong.

So my fear...what the heck am I going to do if they try to pull some of this same crap when we are up there? I can't let her get away with it...it just wouldn't be right. Lizzy is NOT her child and therefor has no say on what goes on in her life. And because I stepped up and made a point of it, I got shunned. I guess only time will tell. I used to really like his family until children came into the picture. Once that happened, I think his family thought that we would be like their other children and they would watch her all the time...we have never had anyone watch her and I'm serious on that one. I'm honestly proud to say that, I love my daughter and I want to experience all that I can before she (one of these days) doesn't want to be near me anymore. So I would never shove her off on his parents like the other kids do...she's my responsibility not theirs. But it's a learning experience for them because none of their other kids did that--they probably watch more of their grandkids then the parents do themselves and we just aren't like that.

I'm praying though, I pray that all goes well and she realizes what she did wrong...though part of me knows that is just probably wishful thinking.

2007-06-03T10:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm going to update on the situation...we are moving back to California. Hubby had talked to his family and supposedly, they want us to go down asap...but I have stuff I have to do (I'm working this week for Maritz) and well, there are people I do want to say good-bye to. I don't get how going to San Diego is going to end all to everything we have been through, but it may help in our marriage. He hates it here, has since like the moment he has been here. So maybe it is for the best?? I'm still scared though...California (well san Diego) is about twice the cost of here and he wants to live in Mexico after the baby is born...it's not that safe down there though, so some how I'm gonna have to convince him of that.

We are going to stay with his family but we are only allowed to for two weeks (like I told Omar--what good is that going to do?). But I can't give Lizzy up or the baby up for adoption. After Church today I went to McDonald's with her and when I was handing her some fries from the front, when her little hand would wrap around mine--there just is this bond with her that I can't let her go.

I spoke with the friend I had spoke about before that had emailed me--I don't get it, I'm willing to let bygones be bygones, but they aren't. I wanted to see her before I left and she never even mentioned it on the phone, why is it that it's so easy for me to forgive and let things go (and we were the ones crapped on) and others can't? So I guess that is an end to a friendship--there was one thing that she said that really bugged me. When we came up here a year ago, we brought our two cats (Tiger and Chocolate). Well when they put our stuff outside, we were in a hurry to get it (Omar had worked all night and was now having to do this) and we had a really hard time getting Tiger and Chocolate in the car. Omar had tried to grab Chocolate (he was a stray mind you) and he went running off (I do remember this after I asked him about it). Well she said that they had put chocolate in the carrier and when they came back that we left the carrier and had let Chocolate out. I don't get that though--chocolate would not let anyone pick him up be me or Omar and Omar says that chocolate was never in the carrier. They were both by the porch and when we tried to get them in the car (which I remember how hard we had getting Tiger in...I was chasing her around the property) but Chocolate just ran off into the bushes. There was nothing we could do...and Omar said we left the carrier because we didn't need it anymore and because we packed up in such a hurry there wasn't any room for the carrier (it was pretty big) so we left it.

But my question is...why is that they thought that we left it to prove a point?? Point of what?? I told Omar, I don't get that and it really hurt my feelings that when I tried to tell her Chocolate was not in the carrier she made me feel like a liar. I'll let it go though--I don't think they have the greatest recollection of what really happened anyway...I sure do. It's not like they didn't have a place to go, so I'm sure they don't have the greatest of memories of the situation.

I'm not going to sell my laptop, Omar and I talked about it that we will need it to find jobs and well, it's the one thing that I really treasure. I don't have a lot of things besides my clothes and this is the one thing I have. We don't have a lot of stuff left in the apartment--I had a sort of craigslist yard sale yesterday and most everything is gone. Then Hubby got a job this weekend and a pretty good one too. I'm nervous and still scared, but I can only hope that hubby will be happier close to his family and that since it's the case, he will have a better chance to keep a steady job. It's something we need and I desperately want for my family.

We aren't sure exactly when we are leaving, sometime between the 8-15th. I kind of want to go to church next Sunday, I will miss them--I hate it that I finally found a church I like and now i have to leave it. I'm still down on hope right now, but I gotta be strong for my little one right next to me eating apple dippers. I love her so much--I would do anything to protect her.

I'll keep you all updated.

2007-05-31T13:05:00.002-07:00

She gave it to someone else...we are going to be homeless, so I'm just letting you all know that I won't be on as much--or I don't know until when. I'm selling my laptop for whatever we can get and I need to find a storage for the things that we do have and need to keep. Thank you all for your support and love and kind words--but I'm finding it really hard right now to have faith.

It's sad...we have no one to turn to, but yet we would give our right arms to help anyone else. I'm not even sure what to do with this baby right now, it's so not fair that he/she won't have a home....or Lizzy. I just can't stop crying. If God is suppose to protect us...then why isn't he? Am I this bad of a person that I have no angel to protect me or my family? Should we give lizzy and the baby up for adoption?? And if I did...I think that would kill me even more...I don't know what to do really, I'm so scared...

I'll be shutting down this blog on the day I sell the laptop (or at least hope so). Wish you all the best of luck in your lives...I surely hope yours is better then mine.

Lots of Love,

Steph.

2007-05-29T17:11:00.000-07:00

I don't want to get my hopes up just yet, but there is a one bedroom apartment not far from us for sublease until the end of September. We would stay here until the baby is born, have the baby and at the end of September we would move to California. We are going to check this place out tomorrow and if all goes well, we will have to place to go to--and move on the 8th of June. SO, just pray and pray that this works out.

I can't sleep

2007-05-28T21:58:00.000-07:00

I think my aunt may have rubbed off on me. She said she has had trouble sleeping lately and now I'm having the same thing. But come the middle of the afternoon I want to nap...maybe my body is preparing me for this child, but at least she is actually sleeping right now because she's quite the active little thing. It actually hurts me when she kicks sometimes, so much stronger then I really thought she would be already.

I'm not sure I want to make the trip down to Cali just yet. We did go look at the duplex and I told Omar to call the lady that we filled out the application with that we are still waiting for the number to Jose's. He called his adopted mom today and Jose was actually there, but he said she wouldn't hand the phone over to him, I don't get that. But to be quite honest with you, I don't get that lady either. I know they don't like me anymore since I had the gall to speak my mind to her, I don't know why Omar never did the same. I've seen how she tries to walk all over him--even as he was an adult secure in his ways. Heck, she isn't even his real mom (it's his aunt).

I'll be honest with you guys, we won't be staying in San Diego if we moved to California. We will be there for about 2-3 weeks and then move to Merced. Believe it or not, it's about the same prices as here and I even found 2-3 bedroom homes for 800-900 bucks!! That's actually cheaper then here!!! It's close to San Jose (I don't know if you guys know where that is at) but Omar has always wanted to go there.

I'm still thinking we should wait a year though--and then move, at least until this baby is born. But when he talked to his mom this evening, she told him that if she couldn't find us a room to stay in for a few weeks, that she would give us Jose's number----I seriously want it now. I have a family to think about and I can't wait for this woman to "supposedly" help us. I'll have to write a story on here about everything for those that don't know...which I'm sure are most of you...of everything that transpired. They liked me at first until they tried to tell me how Elizabeth was going to be raised (and acted like I had no say in the matter).

How can I make Omar see that we probably need to stay here?? I don't think my medicaid will go across to California so I would be uninsured and granted, I could reapply there---but we are talking like weeks before this little one is born. I know my medicaid was done right away here, and California it says the same thing on their website, but I just need to make for sure. I guess I need to call Division of Family Services and see what they say.

Well, I'm gonna watch a little bit of tv and then try to relax...I just don't feel tired right now (at least like heavy sleep lol). Even though I know we have to be up in about five hours for him to be ready for work, yeah I'm bad. lol

Not sure what to do

2007-05-28T08:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess I'll update on the situation at hand and after Omar got off the phone with his family, they don't even know where his uncle is and not sure how to contact him. They are going to try to see if they can find out his phone number and stuff, he moved last August--don't get why they don't have a phone number (unless they didn't want to give it to them LOL), but just seemed really odd.

Anyway, his adopted mom asked us if we would rather come back down there to California. Now I told Omar, if I went back to California it would have to be an area that is cheaper. There are areas in California that are cheaper (I found some) and now that his adopted mom had told us that within a week of doing down there, they have a job for him and I where we can make about 1,500 dollars. This would be more then enough for the first months rent and deposit and Omar would have a job down there already when we got down there--there is Labor Ready and Labor Finders and he would have a job within 24-48 hours. Jobs down there are a dime in a dozen and the market is not as competitive there as it is here. Omar and I both want to go back to California--so I asked him...where would we stay in the meantime? Well his adopted mom didn't even know...so I'm not even sure that it would work out. He told his adopted mom that we could stay in Mexico (which I responded--no Omar I can't--what happens if I go into labor?)...I went into labor with Lizzy 5 weeks early--now granted that was when I was due in July, but I have a feeling I may not go into labor early with this one. I'm feeling completely different and I remember with Lizzy--when I hit 27-28 weeks, I started to feel miserable. I'm not feeling that way yet and I'm already 27 weeks.

I would love to go back--I really would, but like I told Omar--good money is good money but not if we don't have a place to live. He agreed. So he said he would talk to his adopted mom tonight.

OH, I did something really silly the other day. I posted an ad on craiglist for Omar saying that he would help people move and only charge them a flat rate...he already has two people lined up for the next week, I couldn't believe it!! There is a lady that wants him for September but that won't work. I did have a few others that emailed but they thought the flat fee was for him to delivery and transport with loading and unloading and I had to explain--it's just assistance with moving and maybe help with transporting certain things. But hey! A couple hundred bucks for a few hours--you seriously can't beat that! :) I'll keep you all updated when I hear more news. It is kind of exciting to maybe think we could go back to California..would be so nice.

and it starts

2007-05-27T19:02:00.000-07:00

In a below post I told you all about us going to see an upstairs duplex...well we did today. It's about 50 minutes from where we are, but from where he works generally--about 20-30 minutes. NOW, the only thing that I am worried about is...references. We filled out the application and they are going to call them...so we are praying our references give us a good recommendation. If so...then will have a place to go. Omar is on the phone with his family right now getting our previous landlord's phone number (it's his uncle) and trying to explain to him that we need for him to give us a good reference--or else we will be without a home. I'm not sure how it's all going right now--they are talking in spanish. But, if not, we may be trying to find another way. Let's see what happens and I'll update when I hear from him.

nervous

2007-05-26T17:51:00.000-07:00

yep, that's what I'm feeling right now...extremely nervous. We are a week and a half away from the court date--and I'm scared!! I'm trying to sell stuff, but I have to be honest with you--people here want to get it for not their market value (or at least still a good deal). I listed my laptop (and my laptop is about 2.5 months old--brand new) and people wanted to take it for 300 dollars (a brand new laptop for 300 dollars....are you nuts!!). We tried to sell a tv that we have and I posted it for 50 and people would email me asking to take it for 25 (this is a 10 year old 28 inch tv)...you know I understand that people want to try to get things for a steal, but at least be reasonable to the seller. If we were in California everything we have posted would have sold in no time--something we found out differently then here.

Omar finally understood why I'm getting frustrated with selling our things here, especially my laptop and the tv and I've been telling him that I could work at Labor Ready with him ;) and help make some money for this week and next week. I'm scared and I keep praying for something, someone who can help or somewhere for us to go...Lord please hear my prayer, please protect me and my family, don't put us back on the street again.

she has way too much energy!!

2007-05-25T08:38:00.000-07:00

Can you believe that Lizzy shows no signs of sickness now? Ever since she woke up yesterday morning around 2 with a hoarse cough I've been giving her hot sweet tea with honey and went and got her these cold pops (which are just like a shot of vitamins). She woke up this morning, no cough, no congestion...nothing!! Gosh that girl must have an immune system able to attack anything! You know what though, that makes me happy because I was not like that when I was a child--though when I got older I was able to fight it better and she is a premie!! :) I know I'm horrible for saying this...but I chalk it up to the fact I breastfed her.

We are meeting with another lady today down in Washington to look at a duplex. The lady was nice to Omar when he called and about the other ones, the other lady emailed me and told me someone else took it (the one about the apartment) and then about the house people that I'm still ticked off about--we called them at around 9 and no one answered. That's fine, I'm not messing with them. I have to keep strong and I told Omar if we don't have something on the list to move into by next Friday I'm telling my pastor and see if they can help us. I was getting discouraged because of everything--but Omar tells me to relax and be calm saying that that one probably wasn't the one. I know I know, gotta calm down and need to stop worrying. It's not the end of May yet, we still have until next Thursday and then hope all goes well.

I'm feeling somewhat better, sore throat is gone and now I'm doing the remedy that I did with Lizzy and it really seems to help. I just want this sickness gone! LOL

kind of ticked

2007-05-24T19:08:00.000-07:00

So I am utterly mad right now with the people in which I spoke of below. We called them this morning to tell them we would accept the offer. Well, they called us back and asked us if we could come and bring all of his tools and stuff, and Omar told them--I don't have any tools I have to go get them. Well he said the lady got rude with him (which I don't understand why) and just told us to go ahead and come down and they would work out something. Well, about a half hour after we were eating and getting ready to leave, Labor Ready called and asked him to go take a job in near Eureka. It was really good pay and we both talked about it and he took it. So on the way there, we called them and left a message on their voicemail (they didn't pick up and this was around 2) and told them he got called into work and wouldn't be able to make it. He told them to call him back to setup a time for tomorrow (though he will still be working part of the day tomorrow) and we called again on the way back home (8:30) and they didn't answer again and have never called back. K, if you are here being out of town to just work on this place and we want to help and are being rude to us about this, it's not worth it to me. We don't need to be treated like crud, Omar doesn't have any major tools because we live in an apartment (there isn't any place to keep them or anywhere he can use them)...so I told Omar if they don't call back tomorrow after the two calls--I'll look elsewhere. This is nuts, AHHHHH...then the other lady has not emailed me back either, so now I'm getting discouraged. Does anyone know anyone willing to give us a chance???

Lizzy is now sick also

2007-05-24T09:34:00.000-07:00

I don't think I have posted on here about how I have been sick since Saturday. It all started with a dry throat and from there progressed. On Monday, I was fine when I woke up but about two hours after being up I just got really weak. I obviously still made it to my appointment and when I got back, laid down. That's when the cold really kicked in. Tuesday I felt better, but then yesterday--it came back with a vengenance. I have no energy whatsoever and after being up for about 15 minutes---that in itself was just a feat. When we went to go see the house, I prayed for the strength to make it through without feeling weak...I did but near the end I had to leave because I felt like I was going to faint I was feeling so weak. I just explained to the lady that it was because it was hot and then we would them we would call them.

Well on the way home, I told Omar he has to get me something to give me energy, I couldn't take it anymore. I hated feeling that weak, so we stopped at the gas station down the road and he got me a cheap energy drink. It did take a little while to kick in, but I got enough energy to play with Lizzy and help cook dinner for about 4-5 hours and then when it wore off...back to the same. I'm still weak today, not as bad, but can't stay up for a long period of time. Whatever this is just kicks everything out of me! But now Lizzy has it. Omar didn't get it as bad as I did, and I've been giving Lizzy warm tea with honey in it since last night (she woke up with a hoarse cough) and her coughing isn't as bad now. We've given her that and the vapor rub. She seems to be energetic like it's not affecting her which is good...so obviously it just didn't like me! lol

We did call the people and told them we would take the house, Omar did this morning and the lady said the guy was still down there putting the new door in and we would get together today to get the details together. I'll be interested to see what all the details will be and we will go from there. If it doesn't work out and he changes what we said yesterday then we will look elsewhere...but unfortunately, time is ticking. The other lady I was speaking with I haven't heard from her for a few days about the apartment and well, I can't wait for that to happen. So let's just hope something works out all together.

about the house I spoke of earlier

2007-05-23T17:26:00.000-07:00

Today we went to view the house I told you about, and well...it does need some work. Here is the situation in which he described (the owner) to us of what he is looking for. He wants someone to come in for 2-3 weeks and fix the things that are wrong with the house and clean it up. In return, he would offer free rent for a few months and then after the money we put into the house got taken up back with the rent, he would give us discounted rent for a few months as a thank you for fixing the place up. A few spots need new drywall, new flooring, it needs paint, and downstairs is in the basement where the leak was. I couldn't really see any mold but I could smell it, but it wasn't well lit down there. Omar knows how to fix the drywall, hang it and all that lovely stuff. I know how to lay down flooring (so does he) and there is a spot in the bathroom that needs to be fixed. Now, I saw real potential for this place, I hate the neighborhood. Omar and I talked about doing this place just until we got back on our feet and we would buy a gun just in case. The person that broke into the house didn't actually break in. The Realtor was the one that broke the door and because they didn't lock it up properly--someone came in and stole copper piping. So odd that this is what they came in to take--but I do know copper is worth a lot of money, so hey..lol.

I'm torn right now...I would love to do this, would be fun to fix it up and enjoy our new move, we could just keep to ourselves and not bug the neighbors. Omar and I are still talking about it...I think it would be fun to fix the place up and I sure know how to do that, but it doesn't need too much to get it back in at least decent shape. We can work on some of the other stuff a little bit later...I'll let you know of the decision tomorrow.

2007-05-22T10:53:00.000-07:00

I had my interview today, found my feet have grown yet again with this pregnancy but squeezed them into my old dress shoes. I had just bought those a year ago after Lizzy was born! Now I have a few blisters on my feet from walking in them...youch!

All went well, he was actually very impressed that I had worked from home for West but after my interview I came back downstairs and they want me to go interview to this other place near downtown. It would be an administrative position in which I would work for an Asian company. They want someone that is really conservative (I guess they thought of me because of the way I dress??) but they want the person to be in a business suit every day (which really isn't me lol). I am going to call down to the downtown office here shortly, I would have to go through an interview with them also (DANG) and I said to the lady...I have NO experience whatsoever in the Admin field, I have the qualifications, but a lot of companies want to see where you have worked and applied that such and such. I would love to be in an admin field but had trouble with the interviews because I didn't know how to state my qualifications that I used with my other jobs would relate to theirs. I just don't want to get my hopes up, but I will be scheduled for the next training class in the call center if they don't find anything for me (or this one doesn't work out). She said until that time they will put me into admin or a higher call center (because of my experience with Cricket) job.

Oh, we went to go see that house I spoke about in my last blog, I will have to let you know that the house wasn't what we thought, the neighbors were nice and has a HUGE backyard. When we went to go see it though...someone had broken into it (door was open and lights were on) and they were using the place. I contacted the lady that I was speaking to and her husband and her are coming down today to check on it. Now when she got my email, it sounded like what we had mentioned (light on with tv, she said she leaves those on). She said she would call us if things weren't as they seemed or as bad as she had thought so we could see the inside of it. Omar says if we can get it cheaper he will take it, just for the time being really, I sure wouldn't want to stay there for very long...but I am also still looking. You know how when you walk into a place some places just give you the heeby jeebies?? Well, Omar says that place gave it to him, I didn't feel anything bad on the outside, but I didn't get a close to the inside as he did, but it also could have been because he was afraid of who was inside the house.

Well I just called and the lady is on her way to lunch! LOL, so much for waiting until 1 to call..hehe I just finally got a hold of her, it was almost like she didn't know what I was talking about...so I have no idea!!! LOL Oh well, I will just wait for the next training class to start..hehe

My appointment with Kelly

2007-05-21T14:46:00.000-07:00

Believe it or not, but I just got back about 50 minutes ago. They aren't that far from us, I would say around 10-15 minutes, but my appointment was at 12...so it lasted almost four hours!

When I first got there, I followed the sign that the lady told me about and parked close to it. Well, I start walking up the sidewalk and don't see the number to the place to walk into. I walked around to this lady and asked her where to go and lo and behold, I had to walk all the way around the building to get there. The campus is huge, it spans across a highway so I walked all the way over there...I told Omar when I got home I thought I was going to go into labor LOL.

Anyway, I get up there--filled out the application, did a mini interview and here come the tests. At first, I just had to take four of them (the lie test, data entry, spelling and typing test). After I got done with all those, the guy was impressed and asked me if I had ever thought of an Administrative Position. I said I have and then he jumped up and said, just a sec I'm going to go show your scores to the girls. The girl comes back over to me and tells me that it would only be available for the day and full time and if I wanted to, I could go ahead and take the word and excel tests and then talk to my husband about it. I went ahead and took them, found out it tests me at Proficient in Excel and Expert in Word. The gal and guy REALLY want me and I go in tomorrow for another interview with this guy named Patrick (which I think he is the one that interviewed me at another job). This all took forever to do and then after that was done, she made me fill out my tax forms, watch a video and go over the employee manual..so all in all, I'm STILL not done! I can still not get hired if Patrick doesn't like me, but the lady said I shouldn't have a problem with my test scores. And that it would be about 2 weeks for them to find me something because a lot of people are applying in that area. That's not an issue, I'll work from home until that time.

I have no idea what I am going to wear tomorrow, I have two maternity pants and they aren't in the greatest of shape. Omar says I can go look for something, I'm going to have to. I have to have something nice.

Maybe I can get your opinion on something. I've been talking to this one lady (we haven't seen the house yet) but it's in North County which isn't the greatest of areas. Now when we lived in chula Vista, it was the same way but the street we were on, we never had any issues. She has a two bedroom house for rent for 480 but there is mold in the basement and if we clean it up (which Omar knows how to do) we get a discount on the rent. I know paying to have that cleaned up is very expensive so Omar and I were thinking it would be around 400...now I'm not saying anything right now, but my main concern is the area. She said it's a predominately black neighborhood (no problem, I don't have a problem with that...I was a minority in california lol) and that there have been no fights, break-ins, etc since they have rented the home. I'm hoping to go see it either sometime tonight or tomorrow and just see what the outside of it looks like. I guess after that, we will make a judgement. Otherwise...NO one from when we called this weekend ever was nice enough to return our calls. Oh well on that one, we will just keep trying.

When one falls down, they all fall down--and there seem to be cracks along the way

2007-05-20T16:49:00.000-07:00

I guess I could tell you guys, for those that actually read this on a daily basis, though I've been really bad about posting lately...the news. Part of me wants to, but then I'm afraid of what people will say and I know that we are not the first people for something like this to happen. I thought this would be a year of good things, something going right for once instead of one obstacle after another. Omar and I were talking and we both think that money, stress and other things have taken a toll on our relationship and we are working on that. He has been a lot better lately--we actually had an even huger fight this past week, Wednesday I believe even to the point where Lizzy was crying. That one is done and over with so I won't go into it.

We went looking for a new place this past weekend and I told my friend Leah the situation. She thinks after the date in June we will still have 30 days, but I'm not sure. It all depends on what the "big guy" says and he/she may be like...15 days and you have to be out, which is why I say June 15th. I know it may be a good thing we are trying to find a bigger place and all with this baby coming, but we were no where near financially ready and we all know how apartment complexes are so set on credit (you have one bad time in your life and you are ruined for 7-10 years) that we are scared we won't find a place. I am scared, we went through homelessness last year around this time and I'm afraid of it happening again. We obviously don't have family to turn to..and lord forbid I explain the situation to my family. All I would hear from them is how Omar and I are failures and blah blah.

Just to tell you how places are, we went to one on Saturday where the qualifications were actually posted outside the managers office. It said you had to have 70 percent good credit...I have no idea what good credit would be on there, except for me on my student loans but other then that...not so great. Is there anything out there for someone willing to give us a second chance or help us...I don't know. I'm sure if you have really read into what I wrote you all know what is going on, but I don't care anymore. We will keep looking, otherwise, hotel alley here we come. I would hate to think of us being in a shelter--that really scares me but it may come to that after all this. We may have no other choice right now.

Onto some lighter news, we did sell our couch and chair today. There was this very nice lady that came and bought it and we delivered it for her. She even asked me if I was pregnant, made me feel on top of the world! But she said I am carrying like she did and most people didn't ask her until she was about eight months pregnant. At least I'm not the only one!

We then moved our bed into the living room and Lizzy is in her own room right now...though right now she is sleeping on Omar's side of the bed cuddled up in my blanket. I think she likes sleeping in the same room as us, so might as well get her used to sleeping in her own room. I think when the baby is sleeping through the night all the way she may feel better, it'll be nice when the two of them can play together--sister and sister (that's how I wanted it hehe).

I was telling a lady at church today that asked me if Lizzy was my only one and I said, well we are expecting and when I told her I'm 6.5 months pregnant she said I don't look big enough to be that far along. The pastor's wife came over and was thinking I was only 5 months because she read my blog about Izabella, I'm thinking that was last month when I posted the ultrasound pics of her. Time sure does fly by and hopefully by this time next month we will be in a different place, it really was needed anyway.

I'm off to bed, tomorrow is my meeting with Kelly Services. Hopefully all will go well. We shall see, oh...I'm not going to tell them I'm pregnant--it's against the law for them to ask me so there is no need to bring it up at this time, a friend told me not to say anything so I won't.

NOTE TO READER: If I read your blog and you are new, I will be catching up on blogs here shortly. I apologize for not staying up to date and will catch up sometime tomorrow.

What to do when the unexpected happens

2007-05-17T15:59:00.000-07:00

I really wish there was a private button on here...especially now more then ever. There is an issue per say...I really don't wish to talk about it on here (kind of private) because there are actually a few of them, but we may have to move. I'm not sure when, probably in a month or so, around the 15th of June, which I guess isn't bad...but I need to talk to Omar. He is working two jobs right now and now the one time I want to cry on his shoulder (gosh so many tears this week) he isn't here. I want to run to him, tell him to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay...but it will...I just can't see it. I want to...I tell myself to not freak out, but this sure is the last thing I expected, especially after we were told it wasn't going to happen.

I seriously want to give up now...I can't fight...I've fought for too long. Lord, I give up.

I've decided to work outside the home

2007-05-16T11:08:00.000-07:00

I called around to temp agencies today to see if they hire for part time--believe it or not, but they are extremely hard to find. Now don't get me wrong, I will stay with West working just a few hours a week so that when the baby is born I can work a few hours and still have some money coming in until I go back to work. I didn't realize how hard part time is to find, everything is now full time.

I finally found one called Kelly, they are a call center type of place and I know they are hiring in 2-3 weeks. I go on Monday to fill out the paperwork and application...but here is the kicker, should I mention to them that I'm pregnant? I know they are not suppose to ask me, but do you think it will hinder me being able to work part time? I'm not sure...but I really need to have some time to myself and I think working outside the home (which I did find I missed) might be good for Omar and I's relationship. It's not going so well right now...but I will tell them I can't work Sunday's....but I did tell them I want nights...hehe I'm not sure how late they work, but we will see. I'll let you all know how it goes.

And we have a dishwasher!!

2007-05-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

We do, we really really do!! HEHE

We went to Home Depot last night to try to fix it, the places where it was broken and we got the adapter that I had originally told Omar would fit...well after fixing the hoses and doing all this mumbo jumbo, we found out that the unicoupler...there was NOTHING wrong with it and it was actually attaching to the faucet adapter like it was suppose to. Omar felt horrible because he spent 2.5 hours last night after work setting it up a different way (which didn't work) and we just fixed it back up the way it was. Now it does leak like the lady said it did, but Omar found where the leak was and is going to fix it tonight when he gets home. It's not leaking badly, it's only when the water is draining out (too much force I guess?)...and I got to wash dishes in the dishwasher last night...gosh this is such a blessing!

On another note, when I was rinsing off the dishes and putting them in the dishwasher, I ran the garbage disposal and all of a sudden water started backing up on me and splashing everywhere!! Omar was like...what is wrong? I said, it just threw up on me! LOL We spent about five hours trying to figure out where the clog was coming from (which I kind of knew, Omar put leaves and stems down the garbage disposal) but nothing we did worked. I told Rick this morning about it and he said yesterday the people below us were clogged also, so maybe it wasn't his fault?? But when they came up to fix it, there was this green gunk and he was able to get it to go down with the drano and a snake. It's now all fixed! It's so nice to be able to use my kitchen again because we had to run the dishwasher in the bathroom last night...hehe.

Omar did make it to work yesterday but I woke him up and he is working at the same place until Thursday. It's about 10 minutes away...which isn't bad and I'm planning to go back to my work at home job tomorrow...I was going to today but after I'm done with this I'm going to go lay down. He gets off at 3 and then I'm going to have him help me straighten this house up...it's a mess and then we need to do laundry. We can do part of it here (washing) and then do the rest for drying at the laundry mat because the dryers here do not work. So I'm off to go rest with little Lizzy!

stuck

2007-05-13T21:51:00.000-07:00

Warning: This is fairly long and you don't have to read...I'm venting to get something out.

I'm feeling stuck right now like I never have before. I'm sure I'm not the first wife that has a husband that forgets every holiday known to man (including a birthday) and has it out with her husband, but I have to admit to myself...I'm so tired of doing it. I guess they are right when they say you marry someone like your father, but while Omar is nothing like my father...their traits are somewhat the same.

It was a good day at first, we didn't have to do many flowers because well...there weren't enough to do. We only did six and I had to wait around for those six to do them and we were done a little bit after 12...so we came home and I tried to relax for the rest of the day. I am still pretty beat from the last few days, for example...I went to bed at nine last night and woke up at six thirty and was still extremely exhausted. I wanted to take a nap and just rest---it is Mother's day for goodness sake. I figured since we were now broke until tomorrow, Omar would do something nice like cook dinner or take care of Lizzy for the day so I could rest. Heck, I was the one driving the Van, putting the flowers in the Van, looking up the addresses, and delivering the flowers...but I was oh so wrong.

First I tried to nap but as I know, we all share a room. Lizzy was in there and I told Omar I was really tired and wanted to go lay down...well I eventually fell asleep but she climbed all over me on the bed the whole time. The bed is low since we don't have the bed rails right now and she can get up there...it's becoming too much though and I can't rest. I had to tell her about six times to please get off of mommy and what did Omar do...nothing, so I couldn't rest at all.

I finally got up and asked him if we could go to the library (I really want to get the card so I can get books for Lizzy and you can rent dvd's). Well, we had to wash Lizzy's car seat cover and he told me she couldn't go because of that...so I just let it go. It soon became 8 after playing with her for some time and I was getting hungry. I mentioned it to him and he goes....there are leftovers in the fridge...I told him, I'm not really in the mood for leftovers. We do need to go grocery shopping but there is still stuff to make here and never once did he offer. He did try to get Lizzy to say Happy Mother's day to me, but she is too young right now to understand...he did nothing. I did make dinner for Lizzy, something she wanted and we put her to bed. Around nine, I told him I would like to get a sandwhich from Walgreens and if he could walk down and get it, plus some apple juice it would be great. He said okay and I waited and waited for him to go (Walgreens closes at 10). Finally 9:45 comes and I yell out to him and ask him if he was going to go to Walgreens and he goes, no I didn't know you wanted me to go!!! I can't tell you how mad that made me...I seriously wanted to blow up and this is where it started...I told him well it's too late now, it is at least a 10-15 minute walk and you will not make it and he goes...you should have told me sooner and I go...I DID!!

Him: Well I can try to still make it down there.

Me: You won't make it, if you do you won't have time to even get anything in there.

Him: I can get my shoes on and go....and I can try to make it down there.

Me: Omar they close at 10, it's already almost 9:50.

Him: Well you should have told me sooner!

Me: I DID, you didn't even listen to me because all you ever do is care about yourself. I don't get it, you didn't do anything for me today..nothing. You couldn't even of made me a nice dinner, cleaned up the kitchen or at least watched Lizzy today while I could take a nap. You are such a jerk and this isn't the first time you have forgotten a holiday...you forgot Valentine's day and my birthday!

Him: I don't care about these holiday's, I don't even care about my birthday (bullshit if you ask me) and you knew that. I don't remember this stuff and my aunt was the one that always reminded me. I don't have any money to buy you anything and you knew that and you should have told me if you wanted me to cook dinner for you, how am I suppose to know??

Me: I've ALWAYS reminded you! And whatever Omar, you get mad if someone forgets to buy you something on your birthday and you always got upset if you couldn't see your mom on Mother's day. Second, not everything is about money! I don't care of if you buy me something or not, but why is it that you sure as heck can't do anything nice for me on special occasions and why the HELL would I tell you to cook me dinner??? Why can't you think of those things and make something special on your own for me?

Him: I just don't care, I don't have it in me. (direct quote) I don't give a shit about myself.

Me: Okay I've had it...If you don't give shit about yourself then you don't give a shit about me or Elizabeth. You have to want to do something special for me and obviously your actions speak louder then words and you just don't have enough heart to want to do that for me. I'm tired of you doing this and ever since we have been up here you are so depressed...I don't know how to help you (he cuts me off)

Him: It's because of you that I'm like this, ever since I married you, you want me to do this and you want me to do that...it's not me..(I cut him off)

Me: WHOA, wait a minute!! Things were fine when we were first married, ever since we got up here you started not caring about anything. You should listen to yourself—just to tell you how different you are from when we first got together, when I first mentioned a church to you about finding one you said, great, I used to love go to church and would love to go back. Once I told you I found one and mentioned it to you, you go...church is boring and I hate going there...

Him: It is, my adopted dad used to force me to go..

Me: Omar, I'm not going to force you to go, I would Never do that and I told you that! If you don't want to go, then don't go! Heck, the last time you went you started bitching about how coffee was too watery and it was free coffee right in front of everyone!!! Someone was nice enough to make that coffee and bring donuts and you couldn't just be nice enough to not say anything mean! (I'm in tears now and finally said to him) PLEASE get away from me! I can't take this anymore...you are not the same man that I married and I obviously can't do anything to help you.

Him: Oh here we go again, it's always my fault and I'm the jerk

Me: Yes you are, you don't care---and I'm serious please get away from me. You can't even be nice enough to do something simple as watch Elizabeth for one day for me...I can't take this anymore.

Him: I'm not leaving

Me: I didn't say you had to leave, but please go in another room...I really don't want to be near you right now.

He finally did and went and laid down in the bedroom...I still can't believe he said that about me being the fault of how he is acting...there was more that was said but that is all I can remember or at least part of the conversation. I'm tired and I'm utterly afraid he won't get up in the morning to go to work...I can't keep this family together if he isn't willing to help me and I feel stuck.

2007-05-12T17:31:00.000-07:00

We did 23 today...and I know I don't want to do that many tomorrow (it's only part of the day tomorrow anyway)...and I can say without a doubt, I do NOT want to do this on a daily basis....I love greeting customers, but I feel dead to the world...thank GOD it's over tomorrow.

That was ONE long day!

2007-05-11T18:42:00.000-07:00

I got my schedule for working on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and was suppose to be up at the flowers place by 9:40. I got there five minutes early and just to tell you how long it took for them to get me ready to go, we left their all loaded up around 11:15. Everyone else had left around 10-10:15 so I was the last to go and the last lady before me only took 11 and I took 18.

I don't think we did bad at all considering that we got such a late start but we didn't finish until a little after 7...so it was about 8 hours and 18 baskets of flowers. Now part of that we were so unsure of what to do and (I felt like such an idiot) I could not figure out how to read a streets and road map book LOL. I finally figured it out around 3-4 p.m. and from there we really kicked butt on the left overs. They called us around 11:45 (about a half hour of being on the road) to see what was going on and how we were doing...I got a little agitated about that, we had just gotten to our destination and were 5 minutes away from delivering our first flowers...I explained that to the guy that we were almost there and he goes, oh okay...and then hung up.

Well, we found out that a few businesses were around the area and needed to have those delivered by 5...we backtracked and delivered those, which set us behind a little bit. We got another call at 6 asking us the status (which to me was weird because in the first call they told me they could track which orders were finished in the computer) and I told the guy we only had three left. He goes..oh so you will be a little bit longer (I wanted to scream...it was hot, we were stressed out because we were in the boonies with this one order and I wanted them to stop calling) and I said, yes, it will be a little bit longer...and then they called again at 7 and I told her...we are done. She was like...Oh..LOL

Omar and I got into a huge fight on our first delivery, we were both frustrated and not sure what to do. He had told me before that he knew what he was doing, but really he didn't. We learned our ropes, learned what to do and found our niche, but it took a little bit longer then we had expected. Eventually, we got it together, got our stuff together and all went well. We know tomorrow that we are going to show up earlier (cause everyone else did) and get our stuff out and ready when the time comes...I'm not playing around...we made some good money for today but I want to go even better, plus tomorrow will be a LOT more people...so we will see. :)

Hot...Hot...and more hot!

2007-05-10T09:14:00.000-07:00

GOSH, when summer comes here, it sure springs a leak! 85-86-82...pure heat with barely any wind which makes the humidity worse. eck! lol We have the air conditioner on again, the other day was just way too humid in here and just being outside for about 10-15 minutes you start sweating. Our Van doesn't have an air conditioner, so it's quite a feat in there..hehe I went to the library today to try to get a library card but they would not allow me to since my drivers license didn't have a picture on it. I explained the situation that neither Missouri nor California will give me one (not even a picture id for Missouri) UNLESS I have my birth certificate AND a picture id...it's a mess. I couldn't help it, as I started walking out I started crying. It's like I don't exist. The only way for me to get a picture id is go back to California and bring my temp license and then I will get one...but we won't go visit until next year. I think some of the crying may have been from not really letting out everything that had happened last week of my worries, stress and so on, I have to admit it did feel good to cry but you don't realize how much energy it takes out of you!

Omar did go back to work yesterday, I got him up at 5 and we all went down to Labor Ready at 5:30. In 20 minutes he had a job...sigh..why couldn't he have done that?? Oh well, at least he is back at work. The guy really likes him and said to him that he wants to hire him for the few weeks he will be here, which means he will get more pay and not work for labor ready. Not really steady employment, but it would be more money.

I am working on Friday, Saturday and Sunday...so I have to miss church. It's weird though, I feel so horrible about it. I can't explain but I tell myself that God will understand that I need to do this for my family and it's one Sunday. I got a little thing in the mail from them and I'm going to have to call the Pastor and tell him I can't make it to the class on Sunday that I had signed up to take.

Ever since I started going to church, I have to admit, I feel different. It's hard to explain I guess, but it's just I feel kind of not belonging to people anymore. Such as a friends I have had for some time that really weren't friends, it made me realize it. It helped me to let go of holding on to people that I really didn't need in my life because they were never really there for me. Not saying I would totally abandon anyone, I would help anyone in a heartbeat if I could--it's my nature lol.

Anyway, we got a king size bed this weekend off of freecycle. It took a few days to get used to since it was so much more cushy then the other one, but we need to get the bed rails for it. hehe I found Lizzy last night asleep on it, she curled up there herself and took my pillow and covered up with it. :) She looked so cute! hehe

Then...I'm thinking of switching doctors because when I went in yesterday for my checkup, he wanted me to hold up my flab so he could hear the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. Don't get me wrong, I'm overweight to begin with but not any different right now then when i was pregnant with Lizzy (and they NEVER asked me to do that--with either one of my doctors). He didn't even check for the heartbeat low either, where my flabby tummy is, he checked to the right of my belly button, but more to my side, so I don't get it....I just felt it was so rude (not to mention vulnerable because Omar was not there) and there was no need for it. I think I felt worse about myself when I left there then I did before. I did get my sugar test done, should have the results in a week, really don't care if I fail right now lol.

So I am off, I'm having a bad week lol, I just want it to be overwith and start with a new one. :)

A weekend for Mother's day

2007-05-08T10:13:00.000-07:00

Well, to make a long story short with Omar, he is on some not working kick and I've been busting my rear getting money and working the last couple of days. I signed up to be a contractor for Walter Knoll Florist to deliver flowers on Mother's Day weekend, so I will be doing that on Friday, Saturday and Sunday and if I bust my butt, I can make some good money and make up for the time he is refusing to work. I really don't wish to talk about it on here, I am tired of fighting with it on him and am seriously thinking about going to work full time out of the home...if he isn't willing to help out his family, then I got to. I won't let my family fall to the wayside...I just can't. Yes, I believe you guys are right that he is depressed and I talked to a friend of mine about it and she said that sometimes men when faced with obsticles like we have in the last year, either fight or flight...and Omar is flighting (giving up and making excuses). I'm the opposite, I'm a fighter...I'll have my moments of sadness and weakness, but overall, I will fight.

They may not need me on Mother's Day, which is fine...I really want to go to church this Sunday. He went with me this past Sunday and it's just a mess. I got back from my training from Walter Knoll around 11 and to be honest with you...things seemed great for him and Lizzy, but he does need to at least work part time...some how and some way. I just can't work from home with him being here all the time, he gets mad at me because I need my space to work and while living in this small apartment---it's not working. We've gotten behind on bills again because of him acting like this and I'm trying not to worry and I'm trying not to stress...I'm just trying to hang in there really. I'm the one that pays the bills anyway and he has no idea of what we pay...we even had Charter call here once telling him we past due on a bill and I was by him...I got on the phone and told the lady that the bill was paid and we were not past due and was asking who this was...she said, oh this is charter and you paid the bill?? I said yes, and she goes...oh sorry to bother you and hung up...it was really weird.

AND I am SERIOUSLY tired of people telling me I don't look pregnant. I told our neighbor downstairs that we were expecting and when I told her I was six months she goes, you don't look like it and I would never of known...so it makes me feel terrible when they say that because I feel so much heavier...yes, I'm gripping...it's my turn I guess. LOL Anyway, I'm off...I have to go to work here shortly and well, not looking forward to this.

Whoever said you can't get something for free....hehe

2007-05-03T11:34:00.000-07:00

Is crazy! LOL

Today was like a mini-christmas! I asked Omar if he would go down and check the mail and he comes back up today and goes...dang the mailbox was filled up for you! And it is all samples! hehe

Well, I pulled open the first one and it's one of the prizes I had won with the Family Circle 15 days of Mother Day gifts...it was the lighted tweezers! :) Here is a pic of my tweezers! :)

I seriously have never won anything, but I got my confirmation email from Avon about the spafinder AND found my name on the dermablend (click on link to find winners) foundation and I should receive the stuff within the next few weeks, so I can happily say I got some good mother's day gifts. :)

I got tons of samples in the mail today too, here is a picture of all of them:

I've gotten more through the mail lately, but nothing like this! LOL There is a cd rom game that has different board games on it and it's pretty neat! Pepcid AC sample (for hubby...he has bad heartburn), Aloe Vera Capsules (help when you are sick), Curel lotion samples, Almay Hydracolor Lipstick sample, South Beach crunch bar sample (which wasn't that great lol) and go lean cruch cereal (which that was pretty good). My favorite is the tweezers though...I'm so very excited about those--I told Omar I want to keep it in it's package, but he is laughing. He knows I get excited about the littlest things...hehe. I'm sure our mail guy was like...good grief! :)

All good things come to those who wait...and waited...hehe

2007-05-02T16:46:00.000-07:00

When Omar and I left California he traded in his stereo that he loved for a trailer to tow on the back of the car. I felt really bad about him doing that because he always talked about how much he loved it, but he said he wanted to do it. So, we actually got scammed a little on the trailer. The guy that gave the trailer to him, gave him the wrong paper to put it in our name and well, Missouri will not let us do it without the proper paper. We tried to contact his co-worker to get a hold of him, but with them telling us he no longer worked there...so Omar was sad about that. We have no way of putting it in our name and thus, this was one of the reasons why he took the trailer down.

Well, today someone had posted a stereo on freecycle. I've been trying since I've been up here to get him one that was somewhat like the one he had. I even told him to take some of the income tax money and get one for himself and I would wait on my laptop, but he said no. Well, today I finally got a lady that said I could have the stereo and guess what...it's the exact model that he had before...but the one higher. Yep, I'm quite serious. :) When he saw it, I thought maybe he was going to cry and there was this little tingling in my heart to say that now he has a stereo and one better then he had before--it made me light up inside. He's cleaning it up right now and I'll take a picture of it here shortly, but I knew one day he would get one again...just had to wait for the right time. :)

You can see that Lizzy wanted to press all the buttons to the stereo. :) We also got a 27 inch tv the other day but Omar needs to work on it a little bit, but since Omar has it out she has been climbing on it. I finally got her to pose for a picture:

It finally cooled down here from the heat though, I was able to open up the windows and save on our electricity bill, but now it's raining like crazy. Oh and I'm not 100 percent for sure if we are going to deliver at St. John's. I wasn't really impressed with the post partum rooms, their was barely any room in them with the bed alone...it was kind of crazy. They had this couch in there that is suppose to extend out for hubby but there seriously was no room for it. I'm going to talk to my doctor next Wednesday about leaving as soon as possible (I don't sleep well anyway away from home) so that I can take those days to rest at home instead of a stupid hospital bed (not to mention how uncomfortable they are!). The lady that did the tour was like, oh if you have a toddler (we had lizzy with us) you will want to take as much time as you can to rest...but I remember with her, the first few days the baby slept a lot, it's usually a few days after that they really start to get up and go...so I would rather be at home to rest. We'll all see.

They do have this class for 2 year olds that she can take which will prepare her for a sibling they say, so I may sign her up for that. I think she would enjoy it.

Look what I got! and Bye Bye (from Lizzy, hehe)

2007-04-30T21:18:00.000-07:00

You won't believe what I got for free off of freecycle last night! It was seriously a once in a lifetime thing that I don't think I'll have a chance to get again from someone for free! :) There was someone that posted a dresser but was needing it gone asap. Normally I won't respond to posts like that because I can't guarantee that I will be there, but when I told Omar about the dresser (we really needed one), he said to go ahead and do it and it should fit in the Van. So, I told her we would be there in a half hour because he needed to take the back seats out of the Van to fit it in there...and guess what we got!

It's so very pretty, but I haven't cleaned it up just yet. hehe. It looks like there are scratches, but I don't know if you guys know what it's called (I don't) but Omar says it's one of those protective things that comes off and he is going to peel it off of there and put another one on. I guess he knows about that stuff from working in a furniture store for over four years. hehe It's so pretty when it's lit up too. I still can't believe we got it! Not only that, but Omar got a lawn mower (a start to his side business), a new bathroom setup (I'll take pics of that tomorrow, I'm almost done with it) and some computer speakers...yep that all fit in the Van.

I just took a picture of my sleeping Lizzy, she's so peaceful when she sleeps and so cute too. We turned the air on because it was just too hot and humid in here. Plus I am seriously set on the hot weather causing my migraines. Here is my little pic of Lizzy:
She has learned to say Bye Bye and even waves when she does it. I will tell her bye bye and she goes "bye bye" and waves to me. It's so cute--we are still really working on her with talking, she seems to still want to fuss instead of trying to speak, but getting better and the words she is already saying are becoming clearer every day. She can say paper now too and cheese (though she says it like ease lol). This girl loves cheese...and cookies, I think that and no are her two favorite words...hehe.

You want to hear something funny? Today when Omar was getting out of work, I told him that we needed to hurry up so he could get his paycheck so we could get gas. The car was getting a little low on gas and we made it just there in time for him to pick it up and cash it. When we were at the gas station to get the gas, he starts pulling out this money from the diaper bag and he said to me, did you put the money in here instead of the wallet? I said, no it's in the wallet and he goes, what is this then? There was about 35 dollars there that was in the diaper bag...I said to him, I didn't put that in there, did you? And he goes, not that I remember and he thinks he probably did, but I went over and over the money and the only thing I can think of would have been from two weeks ago when he went in for a few hours--but how could we have missed that for two weeks...especially 35 dollars!?? Hmm..something to think about, but anyway, we actually filled up the Van for the first time. It takes about 40 bucks to fill it up when it's on the lovely "E" and now it has a full tank for the first time. :) Gas is expensive though, it's 2.98 here and still expecting to go up...not looking forward to that.

Well, this is how I redecorated our bedroom:

The Dresser is on the wall opposite the bed and it's just so much more roomy this way. I can put the co-sleeper/bassinet next to the bed and the baby will sleep there. I was telling Omar that we don't really need to get too much stuff since it's a girl, which to me was a blessing. :) Not saying I wouldn't want a boy, but hopefully later after this one.

I'm off though, big day tomorrow with the visit to the hospital and then the apartment inspections tomorrow (I hope we don't get picked again). Hopefully I can just take a day to rest with Lizzy and do a little bit of cleaning, I've already got a list made for tomorrow. tehehe

Lizzy and I's first day of church

2007-04-29T10:48:00.000-07:00

After much much searching through posts, online emailing and talking to pastors for weeks...I came across this church called Full Life Community Church. People had posted some nice reviews about the church and when I read them, there was just something inside of me that said...hey, why not try it.

After I dropped Omar off at work today, I brought Lizzy and I back home and we took a shower. She actually didn't want to get out of the shower, so I told her we were going to go to church and she would get to meet new people. :) I got her all fancied up (hey, that's what little girls are for! hehe) and she looked so cute. I don't have any dress shoes for her, she has a wide foot like me and I just can't find any kids shoes that fit her properly, so I put her in her tennies. Here are some pictures of her:

When I first got there, I was really surprised to see how laid back clothes wise everyone was. They were in jeans and t-shirt, something I am not accustomed to. I was very happy to see this, but I was raised to where if you didn't dress up for church you were being disrespectful to God (uh huh...sure, I have never fallen for that one). God should love you know matter what you wear, all he cares about is that you are there.

We walked up the stairs and I was extremely nervous. My normal get go self was being drawn inward and I became shy. It's always scary walking into a new church because you are afraid of being judged so much and since Omar was not with me, I was afraid of what people would say to me. But, lo and behold, everyone was very nice! Not only that, but they offered to take Lizzy to the children's church (which I was scared to do--me never leaving her alone with anyone) and went ahead and did it. She didn't even act like I was there, I was sad, but happy at the same time. They told me if she cried for any reason that they would come and get me-but they never did.

I really liked the praise and worship, it was short and sweet. It's a small congregation, which is something I like. I'm not too fond of huge ones because you seem to get lost in one of those, now I know a congregation has to grow--but it sure is nice when it's small. :) I signed the paper to say that I wish to become a member, I am sure that Omar will like this church, the pastor even reminded me of him. I can't tell you how different I feel now that I finally went and took Lizzy.

OH and Lizzy had a blast at the children's church. They said she did great and went along with everything that she did...and she even made something (which I will put her in memory box). Here is the pic of the little thing they did:

Isn't it cute? She colored in the middle of it and stuck stickers on it. I really glad she did well with the children's church. I want her to learn about God, it's something that has been pressing on me for some time and now I feel better that she went and I too for going. I'll be going next Sunday too because I like the sermons--it's not like you are getting lectured, you are there to learn and you feel it...it's just a peaceful time which makes me want to go back, unlike most other churches I have tried.

I was going to put in a few hours today, but I am going to rest and relax with my little Lizzy. This week will be busy with work and Tuesday we have our walk through with the hospital of the Labor and Delivery part...I hope it goes well. hehe Oh...no one could tell I was preggo...yeah I just look fat I told Omar yesterday and he goes...no you don't, you look like you are having a baby...he's sweet---but I know otherwise LOL.

Ultrasound pics of our little Izabella

2007-04-27T12:13:00.000-07:00

We had a teeny tiny little scare yesterday. We came home and Omar was checking the caller id on the phone and one of them was from the hospital. I didn't get it and therefor decided to give them a call and see what all was going on. I was scared that they had found something on the ultrasound, because we had had it on Tuesday. Well when I called, I got put on hold immediately so I sat there with my heart pounding for five minutes. Finally the lady came on and I asked her if she was the that called us. She was like, oh yeah we did! He wanted to let you know that your ultrasound came back NORMAL. At first I wanted to yell at her, but then I was like, no...and just said thank you and hung up. I told Omar and both of us started laughing. Neither time for Lizzy's pregnancy or this one (yet) has a doctor called me for any reason, even when it was bad or good. hehe, So all is well.

Here are the ultrasound pictures that I promised, I really think they turned out well. I can actually see things! HA HA

I finally had to cool it on all the cleaning, I just still have the bathroom to clean hehe. I started getting contractions on Wednesday night when I was cleaning the kitchen cabinets. They were irregular at times would be about five minutes apart but after about two hours and resting, they finally started to go away. I am scared of going into labor early with this one as I did with Lizzy, though with Lizzy there was nothing they could do...my water broke. But she turned out okay at 35 weeks. No issues or anything.

I'm teaching her right now to pick up after herself because she is really getting into her toys and throwing them across the rooms. I, of course, still help her somewhat and she does a pretty good job with listening and this afternoon picked up all her toys with just a little help from me. I have got to go though, almost time to go pick up Omar from work! I got a headboard for our bed, I'm so excited to go pick it up after he gets off work! :) I'll take pictures, though hubby says we may not be able to put it up because we have a queen bed...but the bed frame is for full...I wonder if he can work with it...hehe

2007-04-25T10:11:00.000-07:00

I've been busy spring cleaning...or I'm not sure if it's more like nesting. I've cleaned out closets, dressers, moved furniture (yes, the whole apartment) and my next step is the cabinets in the kitchen. I can't help it, it's like I HAVE to do this. I swear, if it is nesting, I never did this with Lizzy. We actually have more room now! I freecycled all the stuff that we didn't need and donated her stuffed animals (they were almost all brand new) to Feed My people. They have a store attached to their building and whatever they make from the store, they use to help buy food for their clients (people that go there for food).

I have to admit, I am extremely exhausted. Even a cup of coffee in the morning only lasts me until about 11 and I feel like my energy is gone. Maybe I am doing too much??? I really can't stop, all this stuff needs to be done lol.

I actually got a bassinet for the baby off of freecycle. :) It's white, vibrates and it's a Kolcraft one. I just need to wash it up and it will be like brand new. It was only used for seven months so this will be great! Now really I just have to worry about the car seat and we should be okay. :)

We had our big ultrasound yesterday, everything is looking perfect and she said baby is right on schedule. AND, it's still a girl :). I have about six pictures to put up on here, but I will probably do it tonight. Omar is going to fix the plug for the scanner and then I will scan them instead of taking pictures of them with the camera. hehe

Oh well, I am off. There is a lady coming here at 12:30 (10 minutes) and then I'm going to go lay down with lizzy before the next lady comes at 3 to pick up stuff. Hopefully they all show up or I will not let them pick stuff up from me again LOL.